Friday, May 27, 2011
@ 11:23 AM
Not gonna begin the post with "it's been awhile" again because I find it totally pointless for apologizing for my usual-uncalled-for-hiatus. I'm just in the mood to write today & that's just what I'm gonna do. (;
A lot has changed within the last couple of months. I've just been really busy with family & college; The workload, it's nothing, really. But God showed me no mercy during the past couple of weeks. With affairs of the heart being a problem to me(again), my insomnia playing up & my midterms, I was literally going bonkers. Imma sum up some of it in this post so if you're not looking for something to read & expect photos, kindly click alt+f4.
*Granma passed away a number of weeks back so the majority of the extended family that were overseas came home to say goodbye for the last time. It's a shame that not everyone got to come back due to their responsibilities and commitment but I'm sure granma must have been real happy to watch us all be a whole family once again.. or almost, for that matter. We're all just happy she's in a better place now along with her sister who passed away seven hours right after her. Mhmm, this came as a shocker to everyone because we didn't expect any of this happen.. but it did. But as sad as it was to see two beloved family members go at the same time, they should be happy wherever they are now since they have each other. (:
*Affairs of the heart? I know everyone's been concerned about me but I can say I've been stronger than I ever was before. 5 months into the year & I've had to deal with two different guys; one who liked me & tolerated me & all my bull for awhile but eventually gave up(and I don't blame him aft all the shit I put him through) and another one who just decided to come into my life, play with my feelings, give me all this false hope & expected me to tolerate him all throughout. Yes, you may say I'm completely brainless for doing so but admit it, we all do stupid things when we're lovestruck. Kayh, i wouldn't say it's love because I know clearly, it wasn't. But feelings still played a huge part in everything & our actions simply tend to go outve hand when we like someone, no?
I have to admit, I was stupid. Naive. A complete IDIOT. I mean, after all I've been through, everyone said I should know better than to get myself hurt again but as per usual, I'm too stubborn to listen. Why do I say I'm stronger than I was before? All I can say is I'm very proud of myself with having told him off countless times that I'm done with all the bull eventho I knew I liked him & the fact that it'd hurt to see us go seperate ways, I still made the choice.. Of course, the first few times he said he was sorry, I'd gave in & give him another shot. Yet time & time again, things would always go back to square one so when he eventually stopped texting & calling me by his own will, I couldn't have been bothered because I'd had enough. Whatever it is, I'm over it now & I'm doing perfectly fine on my own. He was just a reminder that I can do just fine on my own & that I'm better off being single.
To be honest, if I wanted to, there are so many ways I can think of to mess everything up for him like how he made my days a living nightmare the last month & a half, but I'm not gonna. Its really so easy, & I could if I wanted to, just by exposing the truth, but I don't see a point. Fortunately for him, I'm not as immature to sink to such low extent & ruin something for him. Firstly, I'm not as selfish as he is. Secondly, it'll be a waste of my time & breath. Thirdly, it's not worth it; So screw it. What's done is done. Just leave it be. Let things run its course & we'll live our lives happily, seperately. (:
*I think I've really grown the past few months. I don't mean to say literally(sideways, maybe got lah), but what I mean to say is, I'm not as troubled as I used to be. I've learn not to take life so seriously, and to deal with things just as they come.
- I'm on way better terms with my parents now compared to back when I was in high school. That was probably just all my raging hormones doing all the thinking.. and talking. Having ran away from home twice last year(something of which I'm really not proud of), I don't regret it, but I've realized how much my parents actually love me & were willing to give in just to get me back home. I know how difficult I was to deal with, but when I really began to give in willingly to whatever my parents wanted or said, they started to do the same because the thing is, relationships always works both ways & we've just gotta know how to give & take. Everything else that follows will always be better. (:
- I have WAY less drama in my life than I ever did before and basically, I look at everything from a different perspective now. Problems?? We don't really have any problems. Its just a matter of how you choose to look at something. Whether it offends you or it bothers you, sometimes, we simply make a bigger deal outve things than they actually are. If you think about it, there wouldn't be something bothering you if you were to think it didn't bother you at all. Problems only occur when you choose to make it a problem. Trust me.
- I've really learned how to depend on myself & no one else; people may say they'll always be there for you no matter whatwherewhenwhy&how but from the way I see it, words will always be cheap. Give yourself hope that probably someone really gives a shit just as much as you do about your own problem, then I can actually tell you that you're in for disappointment. No one will ever settle your problems for you, & the sooner you realize you're the only one who can make everything right again, the better. (:
- It's sunken into my head that it's better to be lonely than to be heartbroken. I enjoy being single anyway. It's liberating. No commitment. No shit to deal with. And it's me just being me. HAPPY, me. And since I've learned how to be independent, it doesn't bother me so much when I'm alone anymore because I don't have problems to think about and I have better things to do than be emo about being lonely.. srsly. -.-
Bottom line is, I'm glad things have changed. Most of it, for the better. Now, things are just easier. I have not much to worry about except for my studies, my social life, my work life & my health. Mom still nags but she's loosen up tons compared to before and I don't talk back or give her the silent treatment anymore cause I know she just cares. One time, she came back from work quite frustrated and sortve leashed it out on me but she realized I looked kinda miserable, tired and I didn't seem to have the energy to say anything in my defense, within minutes, she's trying making good conversation with me, to make sure I was okay & what not. Its times like these that I know how much she really loves me because even though she doesn't know what's bothering me, she won't ask about it, but she's determined to make me feel better. ♥
There's so much more I could write about but my rants are probably the least anyone would want to read about especially when this page is just currently filled with it. Essay much. Haha. Pardon me but I just haven't written in awhile (: As you can see from my previous post, it's been almost 2 months & heck, how time flies; Just got a week off from college cause midterms just ended yesterday. Totally ace cause I'm planning to go fcking mental, if you get what I mean. (; Already went out to catch POTC4 with Jun yesterday & then to yumcha with Dee & the boys later at night. Bumped into the boys & Lian so I hung with them after Dee & the boys left. Going for Fast5 later with my wifey & her boyfie, or my brother in other words. Can't wait! :D Then in the night, got a BBQ thing with all the ADP students and may be going for drinks after. Don't think there'll much I'll be complaining about for awhile now. (;
I can't promise you that I'll be updating again some time soon because I'll probably be busy with work next week. I'll try my best to, no doubt but don't hold your breath. Ciao chicas! x