lights will lead the way.

Life Lesson.

2011-12-21T05:42:00.001+08:00

Uncertainty, early on a Wednesday morning.

//After going into depression for weeks (thankfully, not months) before snapping myself outve it entirely, I finally know what I'm worth again. I can tell you, nothing brought me down more than having to set aside all that was left of my pride and ego for someone who wasn't even worth the fight to begin with. I spent nights on end, just up in bed questioning myself if I was ever good enough, because if I was, why did he choose to leave?

No, I'm not bringing this up again because I am not over him; I find myself here, writing about it only to remind myself of what I've had to go through in the last couple of months. Reminding myself of how painful it was to see someone who made me grow so attached to him within such a short period of time, lie to me & break his promises, about a girl who he critisized so much about, most of the days that we were going out.

You may have been smart enough to be all hushhush, but too bad, you messed with the wrong chick because I found out everything on my own. No, I don't blame you if feelings had suddenly come back, but I blame you for keeping me hanging when you could have just ended things the right way. I wanted to leave, but no, you didn't let me. Instead, you made me wait for you, made me put in all the effort to try again, until one very night, you sent me a pathetic text message saying you wanted a break. So while I continued, anxiously waiting for your answer like an idiot for over 3 torturing weeks, you were quietly going out, having a jolly good time with her while everyone, including me, still had faith and stood up for you infront of those who had started to trashtalk about you. Until today, not even a word of apology has been said.

I don't blame that girl for anything that's happened; I just don't respect her because she kept talking to you more than any normal girl should have been, when she knew very well that we were already together. Mostly, I'd say the blame's on you and the least you could do is apologize to those you've let down. Your friends, and maybe me; In the short time that I've known you, I know what kind of person that you are. Maybe not entirely, but good enough to know that you have a good heart still. Yes, I'm a complete bitch for having blurt everything out here in public but I think I deserve a right to be angry still, at a person who made me feel ever so foolish and stupid to have been fighting for the wrong things, and let myself sink to rockbottom & stay there for so long, and angry at myself for even putting up with all this crap.

Right now, to some, I may seem a little selfish and maybe unappreciative, but put yourself in my shoes; If you had trusted someone when they said they wouldn't leave like how everyone else has, then given in so much & got absolutely nothing back except negative thoughts about yourself and a heart in smithereens, how would you think you'd be like? Do forgive me but I've just had about enough of being taken for granted for. Now that I'm back on my own two feet, I'm glad to say, I'm stronger than ever.

Boys/Men will come & go. I've got the rest of my life to deal with that haha; My mistake was thinking happiness was defined by someone who could fill that empty void in my life. But, no one can really do that except myself. Hehh. I'm happy again anyway, being back to my bubbly self :D Mm no regrets, just lessons well learnt. x

"I just don't know if I want to do it anymore;

get close to somebody so they can leave again."

Otaku Central!

2011-12-19T23:58:00.001+08:00

I can honestly say last weekend was just ahhh'mazing! Totally enjoyed being apart of MaGaCon's crew & got to meet so many new people. (;

Gaming's not really my kinda thing; besides growing up with what, Final Fantasy X, Grand Turismo 3, DDR, 02Jam & Super Mario.. Yeah, ain't that big a fan but it was still fun, needless to say. Best part was, we got to play all the games throughout the whole event and when Jeremy from Red.FM dropped by, I even got to play a round of Dance Central on Xbox Kinect with him! Yeaph, it was all good. (:

heeee, i'm so happy with my newly dyed hair. nomoreblackrootsfkyeaaa.
(Su-zen, yours truly & CM)

The camera was always a distraction around us girls.

kids on beanbags! cute mou?!

twister. (;

r-l : Mayy, Victoria, & I. ♥

Us three, slacking & talking to Wei Jun. heh :P

& people who came to takei.

And Brian.. being Brian. (Y)

Magic card players!

Warhammer 40k things!

Some were painted by hand too. Pretty cool, eyh?

Victoria & I on Dance Central Xbox Kinect! Total ownageeee. (;

Mhmm, if any of you gamers didn't come, I dare say you guys missed out! Be sure to look out for MaGaCon's upcoming events if you'd like to join in the fun, here .

we shall see you all again the next round! (;

♥

*credits to KDU College Sdn Bhd / MaGaCon for all the photos posted here!*

Darkest Before Dawn.

2011-12-15T05:11:00.003+08:00

It's been so long since I've last done anything to my blog so I hope you guys like the new look!

//Been keeping myself busy ever since before finals. Tried as best as I could to make up for lost time with my studying before finals came about. Can't say I gave it my best and just the thought of my results gives me the shivers; Yeah, I really need to learn how to put aside overwhelming emotions when there are more important priorities I should be focusing on instead of silly things. It's too late now & I'm just going to have to face the music.

On another note, semester break's been good to me. Catching up with so many familiar faces that I've grown distant from over the last few months has really done me well. Not forgetting all the new friends I've made over the past couple of weeks either. Mhmm, being out & about again has really put some colour back into my life. And to be honest, I couldn't be happier any happier with where I am with myself today. (:

2011 has definitely taught me a lot of lessons; None of which were easy to handle but I'm grateful for everything I've had to go through. When I think back, this time last year, everything was so different. I'm not the same person I used to be but I hope the change that I've gone through & still am going through is for the better. Hopefully, come 2012, I won't be getting myself stuck in the same shitholes again.. I think I should jump off a building if I let history repeat itself once more. -.-

It's just past 5AM and I'd best be off to bed. Sleeping pattern's totally fcked and I need to get it fixed asap! These panda eyes are getting massive. And I hate being the only one awake so late/early into the night/morning. x

You.

2011-10-10T13:28:00.005+08:00

I've had one the roughest weeks after so many months. Insecurities clouding up my thoughts, just bringing out the worst of me. Today's a new day to a new week, and all that happen the week before this, will burden me no more. I won't let it.

Whether you read this or not, I just want you to know, I've grown ever so fond of you. I love the way you make me laugh and smile all the time. I love how you'd miss out on football games just to sit with me, & do nothing while I'm doing last minute assignments/studying. I love how we still fight over who should pay for the bill. I love it when I wake up right next to you. I love how you would always wake me up for class whenever you could. I love how we tease each other about having other girlfriends/boyfriends elsewhere. I love how you just pull me close to you, hug me so tight & kiss my forehead. I love how you still hold my hand when I've gone all quiet. I love how you're simply so patient with me. I love how I can fall in love with you again & again. I love how we're both rather different in certain ways but how it never really effected us. I could say so many other things I love about you & what you do, but most of all, iloveyou.

I know for a fact she still loves you and that's what causes my insecurities. But I'm gonna tell myself that you haven't left me for her. That you're still reminding me that you love me every other day. Yesterday. Today. Maybe or maybe not tomorrow, that I wouldn't know. I'm just gonna savour what we've got now. Things will go back to normal, I can already feel it. I'm just glad we're working things out. (:

4 months & counting.

Munchies.

2011-08-05T01:11:00.000+08:00

Am feeling way bored but before you read any further;
WARNING! I'm gonna be talking about food & there'll be
a few photos of food so do forgive me for
posting this up during fasting month!

+++++

Took a trip downtown last Saturday with Jeremy, Wen Jun & my mom.
It was for brunch & we went to Levain Boulangerie & Patisserie. Totally
love the place! 'twas my second trip there. (:

To state the obvious, the place is real huge. Inside you'll find,

food at the bakery,

& food at the counter. (;

Since it rained in the morning before we came out, the weather was
really nice. So we sat outside to savour a mildly cool Saturday afternoon (:

It's very quaint as you can see. Everything's set to look somewhat like those
old-fashion courtyards, where people sit out to enjoy cup of tea. Then there's
the food.

mom absolutely loves aglio olio so she orders a plate
wherever she can get her hands on it.

Their latte's are pretty good & they come ready with a shape! (:
- if you didn't know, this was supposed to be a heart.
an abit failed one but better than nothing. -

I didn't have a chance to get a good photo of the pastry we had cause
everyone dug in before I could! So check out their website if you'd like
to have a look-see.

mommy, Wen Jun, Jeremy, & our half eaten pastry on the table
with a plate of aglio olio on the side; whaddup!

Really enjoyed my visit there. It's a good place if you're willing to
splurge on good food, trust me. (;

You can visit them at:
Levain Boulangerie & Patisserie
No. 7, Jalan Delima,
55100 Kuala Lumpur,
Malaysia .

Operation hours:
7.30am - 9pm
Monday - Sunday

Another Day, Another Dawn.

2011-08-04T04:15:00.000+08:00

Among the few things I don't understand in life are the ones we call "friends" . It's easy to call anyone a friend I think. It's just a matter of how good these people we call "friends" , are. It's usually only a matter of time before their true colours begin to show.

I've been very picky with my friends throughout my entire life. By this, I don't mean I pick friends by status or looks. If you know me well enough, you should know I'm a very simple girl; Money isn't all that, fancysmhancy, flashy things aren't that bigve a deal... I like things simple, basically. That's why when it comes to friends, it doesn't matter to me if you're rich, poor, short, tall, thin, fat, or whtvr, it's just a matter of how good of a friend you're willing to be.

The one thing that really gets to me are the ones that act all nice to you, but go around bad-mouthing abt you to other people when you're not there; I've learn to stop giving two hoots about these sortve people, because half the time, they can't even get their facts straight & most of the time, it's utter bull. I know because I've been through this tons of times, all because I've been judged for the things I do, or for the people I hang out with, or for the things that people have said about me. I think it's quite the norm in our modern day society to judge. BUT, I could never come to comprehend why these things ALWAYS had to happen to me because I never knew what I was doing wrong.

Then there are the ones that come to you only in times of need. Sure, you want me to care about you & help you out, not a problem. But when things are all good & back to normal, these are the ones that conveniently forget about those who've helped them out through the worst of times. Let me make this clear, it's not about returning favours or being calculative, but it's about the principle behind it all.

Just a heads up? Don't expect me to be nice to you if you're gonna be this arsey to me. I'm not the kind who's gonna pretend that I like you when I don't. When I was younger, I never wanted to be on anyone's bad side, so I'd try my very best to be a good friend to everyone. I was completely oblivious to the fact that I actually had so many people who thought so lowly of me until I opened a Formspring account late last year. Never in my life did I have a clue that so many people had something bad to say about me.

Thing is, I know I'm not perfect. I never was nor did I ever say I was born perfect. I'm still struggling with my faults & flaws every other day. I know I've done some pretty bad things in the past, some selfish acts at that, but it just got to a point when I stopped caring about keeping everyone else happy, except myself.

I still care about the better friends in life, I always have & I always will. I can't deny that I'm wary of certain characters that may just cross the line though. I don't know, and I won't know until they do probably. But I am THAT close to exploding at one person, in particular, but I'm just gonna keep it in for now. I'm a very straightforward person, so I'm not gonna waste any time talking shit about you, when I can tell you off right in the face. So don't be surprised if I do.

I know I may not be the greatest friend anyone has ever had, and I have a VERY bad habit of forgetting to reply text messages or call people out when I tell them that I will, but I do hope you guys can & do understand. I just go with the flow most of the time & I don't quite fancy planning things since I've always gotta urge people to confirm&reconfirm asap. So please don't grow to dislike me because I hardly call anyone out ): I know I owe alot of people an apology for not having catch up with them. heh. please do forgive me, y'all.

Mmm, this post was quite pointless actually, but something made me write this. I don't exactly know what happened, but all I want to say is, judged and be judged. The more things you have to say about those around you, the more people will have to say about you. Take my word for it. Till next time, gnight chicos. x

FREAKOUT.

2011-07-30T17:35:00.003+08:00

Decided to do a little updating since I can't nap & I don't feel as if I've got better things to do right now until later; Taking the boy out for dinner tonight since it's his birthday tomorrow. He has no clue or whatsoever to where I'm taking him so tonight's gonna be fun (; Nuff' abt that, I'm jst gonna rant & tell you guys a little of what I've been up to since I've started my sem break.

Spent lastlast Friday night celebrating Kink's 18th. It was a surprise, all planned by the boys. Felt good seeing the high school bunch again eventho quite a number didn't show.

Kinks' & her typical I've-got-tears-in-my-eyes reaction aft
everyone came outve hiding.

And typical Kinks' getting all excited because the Bubba Gump
workers told her she had to shake her booty if she wanted her cake.
(I bet she didn't even want the cake, she just wanted to bootyshake. TYPICAL)

Nasri, Aidit & Nimisha. . (:

Moi, Sanju, Ayesha & Wenn Hong;
This photo abit fail cause Ayesha & Sanju kinda blinked but
it's the only photo I have with them that's clear :/

and my favourite photo with my favourite indian, EVER :D
even if my face looks like utter crap, I THINK WE LOOK HAPPY. PERIOD.
Only person that's missing from this photo is SEOW LI MAY.
that bish didn't show up. SAD FACE.

(okay, being totally retarded here. ignore)

Some time after 10pm, we moved to Herris for hookahs. Its been a long time since we all just hung out like that. Makes me miss my high school years heaps on occasions like this!

Sanju & Marc.

i look high.

'twas a fun time for sure. don't know when i'll be seeing everyone again but hopefully, it'll be soon. it's sad how college has torn us all apart. glad we're all still pretty tight though. (:

Besides that, it's just the casual outings with Ben.

This was at Starbucks the other day. (:

and the lady who took my order got my name wrong. -.-
I mean, cmonnnnn, it's not like I pronounce my name as
de-be-rah. it's debra. DEHBRA.
Is that so hard to spell? geez.

Ahh, it's already 6:17PM. I'd better hit the showers. Gotta go pick up the birthday boy in abit. Haaaa. Stay tuned for updates on Levain! I just had my brunch there this morning/afternoon. (; Ciao bellas, x

The Wheels @ Subang Avenue!

2011-07-30T03:12:00.001+08:00

Looks like updating on Thursday night was a total fail. No one could've imagined how tired I was after having gone out the whole day that day. Mehh. But I swear roller-blading was wayy fun! (; So I'll get right to it.

Aaron picked me up with Rachel already sitting in the car before picking Kai Ming up. Headed down to Subang Avenue right after & I was pretty pumped about it. The place is called The Wheels & it's pretty darn funky if you ask me! Packed with flashing lights, disco balls & good music, I'd say it's the ultimate disco skating experience. (;

The whole place.

And the counter.

AND, for the price you pay, I think it's rather cheap. (:

There are two types of skates; the inline skates(left), and roller skates(right).

Personally, I like the inline skates better than the rollers.

Rollers felt weird & not even 3 minutes after I
put them on, I took them off. :/ It's looks easier to
move in compared to inlines but it's actually harder than it looks!

With Kai Ming & Rachel. (:

& not forgetting Aaron. (:

If you guys would like to try this place out, it's :
The Wheels @ Subang Avenue.
They're open 7 days a week,
from 10AM to 10PM.

Give it a go y'all & go crazy! You won't regret it. (;

Anyway, It's getting late & I've gotta wake up early fr breakfast downtown in the morning. I'd best be getting some shut eye now so stay tuned for random updates & Kinks' birthday photos. Gnight all! x

Nightfall.

2011-07-28T01:50:00.003+08:00

I know I said I'll update so here's an update; I'm skipping out on the kodaks though because I slept at 5 in the morning yesterday & woke up at 10ish. Had trouble going back to sleep & was going about my day feeling like I had a sufficient amount of sleep.. up until dinner time. Power napped for abit before heading out to meet my wifey, her boyfie, along with Ben & some of his friends. (;

I should probably hit the sack since I've got a long day to look forward to tomorrow. Am going inline skating & am absolutely stoked seeing as how I've not gone roller-blading in ages! Hoping I'll be able to wake up in time for breakfast tmrw with Mayy & the lovelies too. I'll try my best to post up kodaks by tmrw night. (:

Do forgive me for all the dull posts these days. I do appreciate you guys for always coming back when I update though (': I'll do what I can to keep my site alive. Buenas noches, chicos! x

I Found Shelter.

2011-07-27T03:38:00.000+08:00

I've found a peace of mind the past month. The kind of feeling where nothing seems real.. all too good to be true yknw? I wake up everyday, without worrying what's in store for me anymore because I've been taking things just as they come.

I know I left the last post hanging.. Don't need to tell me, i know. As per usual, it's the writer's block. I'm quite lazy to update too cause nothing interesting really happens these days. I'm really hoping my month's break starts to look up. All I've been doing is catching up on sleep, and bumming around with Ben, which of course is something I wouldn't complain about. (: I'd just like to be more productive;

Work out starts when I wake up, despite whatever time it is. Crossing my fingers I'll get to see the people I want to see soon too! I saw the high school bunch just last Friday, & speaking of which, I've still got photos to post up. (; My goal for this break is to go to the beach or just getaway from here, and to rid myself of these hideous eyebags I've got ! To be honest, I've never had such massive eyebags till this year and I know the exact reasons why I've developed them but no need to bring that up. Before everything, imma try to fix my sleeping pattern first. Hence, I'll stop right here. Update again tonight. Love y'alls. xx

This Place About to BLOW.

2011-07-08T00:36:00.000+08:00

Hello hello! Am taking a breather from my microecons assignment; having the sneezles, stressing up about finals & rushing assignments, is possibly one of the worst combos yet. I've always wondered why I blog only when I'm angry or stressed up about things. It's so odd.

Haven't been up to much recently. Been trying so hard to NOT fall sick within the last few days but it's been an epic fail. Didn't even want mom to know about my flu so I'd jst avoid her around the house and stop myself from blowing my nose every few seconds. She didn't find out until dad saw me lying in bed, literally half dead today when he got home from work & told her. Dang it. Amazing how I even forced myself to go to college this morning when I was feeling utterly miserable. Glad I did anyway. Atleast I didn't miss out on classes. Am really grateful I had someone take care of me today though. Yknw who you are. ♥

***

Freedom Fair that was organized by all of us ADP students was pretty fun. Despite preparations were done so late & stuff, I say we actually managed quite well. (;

Rachel, Iries, Merveen, JJ[ex-el-presidente] & yr truly. (:

Will[current-el-presidente], Merveen & Rachel (:

With Mr. Gerard, our last sem's IT lecturer.

AND! 2/3 of the ADP students (':
Gotta' love em. ♥

Last week was good. So glad I got to see so many familiar faces but sadly, didn't get to spend much time with them :/ It would've reminded me of all the high school parties we had! I miss all that jazz. ):

Bestfriend ♥

♥

Them brothers from another mother.

Neighbour!

Mm, there isn't actually much for me to write about. The mind's already starting to stray back to my assignment & the stress! I'll blog more when the time's more suited. (: Much love you guys! Stay tuned. (;

Keeps Getting Better.

2011-06-13T01:53:00.000+08:00

This weekend has been by far, one of the busiest but better weekends spent. Going from place to place, staying out fr long hours, stuffing myself with extremely yummmmyy food & GROCERY SHOPPING. Mhmm. You read tht right. I'll start from Friday.

Wifey on my left & Yu Wei on my right (;

Had class at 8 in the morning. I despise bio class on Fridays just because waking up at such an ungodly hour(yes, 6:30AM is already ungodly to me) is pure torture seeing as I'm abitve an insonmiac. Met up with Mayy & Yu Wei fr breakfast on campus before they had to get back to class and I waited up for Marc to get done with class since he asked for a ride home. Dropped Marc home & went back home to catch up on some sleep before Jun woke me up. CS then called me out for lunch so both the boys waited outside for me while I got dressed, & we picked NickJTan up otw to Devi's. After CS had to ciao for his basketball game, the rest of us went grocery shopping for Nick's BBQ.

I think guys should just stick to cooking; when you go grocery shopping, you're only supposed to pick up wanted goods, yes? These two fellas only know how to simply take & chuck it into the trolley. Its as if money freely falls from the sky! I'm like, HELLO. Do you really need all that?! (In the end, we couldn't even finish everything at the bbq! will get to that a little later)

Shopped for a couple of hours before heading over to Terry's to get the BBQ set then bck to Nick's where we dropped him & all the stuff off. Went to SV after that to meet up with Amanda, Eugene & Wubai. Hung around 'til abt 10.. before Tekkin joined us fr late dinner, downstairs. Was home slightly aft 11 because my gastric pains were hurting like a bitch.. Wubai offered to send me home, & I literally thought the pain was gonna kill me in the car. Couldnt get any sleep until 4 in the morning so I caught up on some studying before calling it a night.. ugh.

Saturday - Was up by 9+ . Got dressed & went out with the folks to have brunch & pick up baby from the vet. Sadly, doc said she's still gotta stay for a few days until he's confident she's well enough to come home. ):

Headed for home after the vet & did absolutely nothing until 5ish. Got dressed & ready to go out by 6+ , picked Jun up & went to SV for their 1st Anniversary. Wubai, Amanda & Eugene were already there by the time we got there. Played a few rounds of pool & foos before going down for free food & beer. (; Bumped into Nick Tan, whom I've not seen since March & he said I lost weight. HAHAHA. Found it quite hard to believe but hokayyy, it's a good sign anyway :P Ben was busy working so didn't talk much. *AHEM* if you're reading this, we've still got one game of pool to settle (; After having a bite, went to the supermarket to pick up extra things before leaving for Nick's arnd 9PM.

I'd say the bbq was mad awesome. We practically stuffed ourselves from 9PM to 2AM+, nonstop. We just kept eatingandeatingandeating and chasingeachotherwithiceandeating some more. MAD, but fckin' ons. The lamb, the fish, prawns, squid; God, you name it. Everything was simply cooked to perfection by our very own chef, a.k.a. NickJTan. It was a really fun, chilled night anyway. (:

Clockwise from top:
Wubai, Manda, Jun & ayeee. :P

Okeh, I had NO CLUE this photo would turn out like this until aft I saw it.
SO DONT JUDGE ME. CS, we're innocent, right?! RIGHT.
Frm left: Jun, Chia Shoon, Chris & Eugene.

the Tan brothers & Wubaiiiii.

hobo-fied.

yummers! good stuff...

...including the root/beer. (;

Everyone was complaining about how full they were even when there was so much food left. I left just before 2AM while they rest stayed on, showered & tried to stay up but totally knocked out within the next hour or so.

*Thanks for having us over & cooking us all that good food, Nick! I think everyone had a real good time (:

Sunday - Mom woke up me up to go fr breakfast and eventho I still felt like I couldn't possibly have another meal again, I got up & got dressed anyway. Haven't been spending much time with the folks because they've been seemingly busy the last couple of weeks with other things so I make it a point to spend time with them whenever possible.

Came bck home some time aft noon with intentions of going back to sleep.. tried to until Amanda finally woke up & texted me followed by Jun's call. Jun picked me up arnd 3+ and we went down to Sri Gombak to find the two lovebirds. Chilled fr abt an hour or so bfr going to SV to foos&play pool again, along with CS & Wubai. Bumped into Ian & Darren there too so played a few rounds of pool with them & Jun fetched me home jst bfr 7PM.

It's been a rather unproductive night; wanted to start on my research fr Microecons but yeah, failed miserably -.- I've got algebra in the morning and it's close to 2AM already so I'd better be going. I hope this is enough of an update, y'all! Much love, xx

Act Your Age, Not Your Shoesize.

2011-06-07T20:34:00.000+08:00

The older I get, and the more people I begin to meet, I start to realize age is but a number. There is absolutely nothing wrong with acting like a child I think; it's when you make decisions like one and that's when you're going to be the laughing stock of the town. (: Do as you please, just don't come crying back to me if you need someone to be there for you again. And I wish you all the best, not for trying to get her back, but for trying to look for someone else who cared for you just as much as I did when she didn't, x

/// It's been a really unproductive day. Was comtemplating if I should have gone to see Baby at the vet when I woke up from my 4hr-nap around 5PM. Am bracing myself for mom's nagging because I know just exactly how much she loves the bitch.

On another note, Picked up my dancing habits again and nothing beats jst working out a sweat to good beats on fullblast. (; Haaaaaaa, I'm loving life. Sure, going back to college again was a little depressing but it's jst a reminder that life goes on. Good thing is, I expected to do much worse for my midterms but everything seems fine. (:

Dinner's a calling & I'd better go! Update again soon, x

Blow Kisses, Not Boys.

2011-06-06T03:09:00.002+08:00

"I miss someone but i don't know who. Have you gotten that feeling before?"

"Do you ever just lie awake in bed at night & have flashbacks?"

"What do you want?"

So many questions that I didn't know the answer to. So many things I still don't know about but am not afraid to learn. I believe things happen for a reason. People come into our lives, sometimes they hurt us and sometimes they leave us helpless but we all know what happens to the ones who pull through after it's all over; Life's a real lesson. It's a gift we don't really take much notice on. We often count the blemishes but not the blessings.

I don't exactly know where I'm going with this post but I can say even the smallest things make me happy now. (: like buying myself ice cream or lying in bed with a good book OR even getting new bedsheets just does the trick! I know because I just went shopping with the folks today & dad got me a new set of bedsheets & I was probably just as thrilled as a kid who just got a new action figure. Don't ask cos I wouldn't know how to explain to you why I was so thrilled but MY POINT IS, I feel like myself again. Am sortve still a little alien to this feeling but it feels good. (:

It's back to college again in the morning. I can say my one week break was well spent. Got to catch up with so many familiar faces, watch so many movies, & basically, jst do enough to satisfy my needs of destressing. Going into the last half of my semester with full force. Study harder & do better cause I know I was so distracted with other things the first half of my semester. Ughh, damaged done so, to hell with that. It's just starting to rain and I'm starting to feel tired all over again. Shall call it a night & end it right here. Fingers crossed I keep my site updated! I'm in the process of getting my mojo back (; Ciao chicos, x

Boom Boom, Supersonic Boom.

2011-06-02T23:53:00.002+08:00

I've been having a good week. No pressure & just pure satisfaction the whole way. (;

Monday - Worked out in the morning before Kinks & Mayy came over for a movie & lunch. Really got to savour the time spent with my girls because with college & all the assignments in between, it's rather difficult to squeeze in time to catch up. We all know, we're growing up & beginning to go our seperate ways but hey, I'm more than happy to know nothing's changed between us three.

(Ignore my ugleh face in the middle there)

The thing I love the most about these two girls? They've accepted me for everything I am & everything I'm not. They've listened & have not judged; No one really knows how good it is to feel that you actually have people who love you for who you really are & that you're not in their lives just to please them. I'm not saying I don't have many friends who don't love me for who I am, but there are those who feel let down & give up hope on me when I seem to act somehow irrationally towards something. Those are the times I know who really loves me & still chooses to be there for me & never ever have these two, have not been there for me. And what's best? We still act like a bunch of high school kids when we're together so it doesn't feel like we're really growing up or apart for that matter. (;

Went to shoot some hoops in the evening with Dee, Yu Wei, Isaac, Sean, Dillon, Daniel, Julian & a few others at the park. Played one-on-one with Sean for awhile and since I haven't played in months, rusty wouldn't even be a word I'd used to describe how bad I played or how unfit I am! -.- Yu Wei came to pick me up around 9ish & headed to AC to yumcha & play pool in the night. Got to catch up with Isaac on the way home since he offered to send me home. (:

Tuesday - Woke up feeling totally sore all over. Still worked out again anyway & managed to spend the rest of my day at home without having ANY intentions of going out (HEH, first time) . Dad came home & asked what I did the whole day & when I replied "Nothing", he went "What do you mean nothing??" . Hahah. He knows I'm not one to stay put at home but guessed I proved him wrong for the first time. Oh right, and I almost forgot, I dyed my hair again. (; Mom didn't even notice until I told her & she went "Whoooahhh. So red." but luckily, she likes it just as much as I do. ♥

Wednesday - Jun picked me up at half past noon & we went to digital mall to get his stuff. Had lunch there & went to The Curve to catch a movie. Amanda texted since she had already finished all her exams for the week & said she wanted to watch too. Conversed over twitter because I ran outve credit & knowing how most of our tweets appear on the timeline of our mutual followers, Jaysen saw & wanted in too. So Jun & I went to buy extra tickets for them & only until we were about to go in for our movie, did we realize the tix for the rest were for a different hall -.- Was funny & not funny at the same time but yehh, whtvr. Lol. Kung Fu Panda 2 was really good anyway. BABY PO IS THE CUTEST THING THAT EVER EXISTED. I SWEAR. (Sorry, I just had to, don't mind me)

Went home for dinner & was out again around 9ish. Picked Jun up & helped send Pei Wen home after her tuition before heading to Sportsville. Was a good night out cause I got to see Chris again after god knows how long. Haha. Got Aaron to come out too & while Amanda, Eugene, Chris Tang, Jaysen & a few others came too. (:

Mandaaaa.

Chris.

Aaron.

Everyone pooled & foosed the night thru so didn't really get to catch up with Chris but yeah, was a good night anyway. Mom wanted me back home earlier than usual & I didn't want to get her all worked up so I gave in.

Today - Had intentions to stay home too and I thought I would until Thong called. Was quite last minute so I got dressed & was off to the Curve after he came to pick me up. Bugger still hasn't changed one bit. Haha. Still as arsey as before, always talking cock but was good catching up over lunch anyway. (:

Met his friend Oliver & made plans to go to Switchblade to shisha but made a detour home to get some cash first since I went out in such a rush that I forgot I didn't have much on me. Once I got home, Amanda called & urged me to go to Sportsville again. Thong overheard & asked me to go ahead with my plans so yeah. Gave him a hug & he was off. (:

Met up with Amanda, Chris & Eugene and played again as per usual. Mm, if anyone's noticed, pool's become a weekly (sometimes daily) affair to me. Can't say I'm very good at it though because somehow I'm better at getting balls in at an angle instead of getting them in, in a straight line. -.- YES. I KNOW. I'M VERY ODD.. but it makes me special. Ahah. Right. Being lame here. Ignore.

And I'm here now. Decided to be a good girl & stay in tonight. Had totally forgotten about Matt's gig at Laundry tonight until Jaysen reminded me about it yesterday & if I had kept my Thursday booked earlier on in the week, I wouldn't have gone out yesterday. Now, some of you must be thinking, why do I need to go out one day & stay in the other? See, under my parents roof, with freedom comes responsibility and I'm not one to abuse my freedom anymore. Like I said, I get as much as I give. I haven't seen my parents so much this week as a matter of fact so thought I'd let them know I'm still alive. Balance is always essential. (;

Am really looking forward to tomorrow though. Not sure what my plans are for the day but I've got a night of partying to look forward to! Haha. Fingers crossed everything goes according to plan after everything's been changed a few million times (mind you, just exaggerating) & the sarcasm that came from Chia Shoon about it certainly didn't help either -.- PFFT. Whatever it is, imma enjoy my day tomorrow even though I'm (partially) sick. Better be heading off to bed now if not I'm not gonna be able to live through the day tomorrow. Hehh. Gnight folks! x

All Of Me.

2011-05-27T11:23:00.001+08:00

Not gonna begin the post with "it's been awhile" again because I find it totally pointless for apologizing for my usual-uncalled-for-hiatus. I'm just in the mood to write today & that's just what I'm gonna do. (;

A lot has changed within the last couple of months. I've just been really busy with family & college; The workload, it's nothing, really. But God showed me no mercy during the past couple of weeks. With affairs of the heart being a problem to me(again), my insomnia playing up & my midterms, I was literally going bonkers. Imma sum up some of it in this post so if you're not looking for something to read & expect photos, kindly click alt+f4.

*Granma passed away a number of weeks back so the majority of the extended family that were overseas came home to say goodbye for the last time. It's a shame that not everyone got to come back due to their responsibilities and commitment but I'm sure granma must have been real happy to watch us all be a whole family once again.. or almost, for that matter. We're all just happy she's in a better place now along with her sister who passed away seven hours right after her. Mhmm, this came as a shocker to everyone because we didn't expect any of this happen.. but it did. But as sad as it was to see two beloved family members go at the same time, they should be happy wherever they are now since they have each other. (:

*Affairs of the heart? I know everyone's been concerned about me but I can say I've been stronger than I ever was before. 5 months into the year & I've had to deal with two different guys; one who liked me & tolerated me & all my bull for awhile but eventually gave up(and I don't blame him aft all the shit I put him through) and another one who just decided to come into my life, play with my feelings, give me all this false hope & expected me to tolerate him all throughout. Yes, you may say I'm completely brainless for doing so but admit it, we all do stupid things when we're lovestruck. Kayh, i wouldn't say it's love because I know clearly, it wasn't. But feelings still played a huge part in everything & our actions simply tend to go outve hand when we like someone, no?

I have to admit, I was stupid. Naive. A complete IDIOT. I mean, after all I've been through, everyone said I should know better than to get myself hurt again but as per usual, I'm too stubborn to listen. Why do I say I'm stronger than I was before? All I can say is I'm very proud of myself with having told him off countless times that I'm done with all the bull eventho I knew I liked him & the fact that it'd hurt to see us go seperate ways, I still made the choice.. Of course, the first few times he said he was sorry, I'd gave in & give him another shot. Yet time & time again, things would always go back to square one so when he eventually stopped texting & calling me by his own will, I couldn't have been bothered because I'd had enough. Whatever it is, I'm over it now & I'm doing perfectly fine on my own. He was just a reminder that I can do just fine on my own & that I'm better off being single.

To be honest, if I wanted to, there are so many ways I can think of to mess everything up for him like how he made my days a living nightmare the last month & a half, but I'm not gonna. Its really so easy, & I could if I wanted to, just by exposing the truth, but I don't see a point. Fortunately for him, I'm not as immature to sink to such low extent & ruin something for him. Firstly, I'm not as selfish as he is. Secondly, it'll be a waste of my time & breath. Thirdly, it's not worth it; So screw it. What's done is done. Just leave it be. Let things run its course & we'll live our lives happily, seperately. (:

*I think I've really grown the past few months. I don't mean to say literally(sideways, maybe got lah), but what I mean to say is, I'm not as troubled as I used to be. I've learn not to take life so seriously, and to deal with things just as they come.

I'm on way better terms with my parents now compared to back when I was in high school. That was probably just all my raging hormones doing all the thinking.. and talking. Having ran away from home twice last year(something of which I'm really not proud of), I don't regret it, but I've realized how much my parents actually love me & were willing to give in just to get me back home. I know how difficult I was to deal with, but when I really began to give in willingly to whatever my parents wanted or said, they started to do the same because the thing is, relationships always works both ways & we've just gotta know how to give & take. Everything else that follows will always be better. (:
I have WAY less drama in my life than I ever did before and basically, I look at everything from a different perspective now. Problems?? We don't really have any problems. Its just a matter of how you choose to look at something. Whether it offends you or it bothers you, sometimes, we simply make a bigger deal outve things than they actually are. If you think about it, there wouldn't be something bothering you if you were to think it didn't bother you at all. Problems only occur when you choose to make it a problem. Trust me.
I've really learned how to depend on myself & no one else; people may say they'll always be there for you no matter whatwherewhenwhy&how but from the way I see it, words will always be cheap. Give yourself hope that probably someone really gives a shit just as much as you do about your own problem, then I can actually tell you that you're in for disappointment. No one will ever settle your problems for you, & the sooner you realize you're the only one who can make everything right again, the better. (:
It's sunken into my head that it's better to be lonely than to be heartbroken. I enjoy being single anyway. It's liberating. No commitment. No shit to deal with. And it's me just being me. HAPPY, me. And since I've learned how to be independent, it doesn't bother me so much when I'm alone anymore because I don't have problems to think about and I have better things to do than be emo about being lonely.. srsly. -.-

Bottom line is, I'm glad things have changed. Most of it, for the better. Now, things are just easier. I have not much to worry about except for my studies, my social life, my work life & my health. Mom still nags but she's loosen up tons compared to before and I don't talk back or give her the silent treatment anymore cause I know she just cares. One time, she came back from work quite frustrated and sortve leashed it out on me but she realized I looked kinda miserable, tired and I didn't seem to have the energy to say anything in my defense, within minutes, she's trying making good conversation with me, to make sure I was okay & what not. Its times like these that I know how much she really loves me because even though she doesn't know what's bothering me, she won't ask about it, but she's determined to make me feel better. ♥

There's so much more I could write about but my rants are probably the least anyone would want to read about especially when this page is just currently filled with it. Essay much. Haha. Pardon me but I just haven't written in awhile (: As you can see from my previous post, it's been almost 2 months & heck, how time flies; Just got a week off from college cause midterms just ended yesterday. Totally ace cause I'm planning to go fcking mental, if you get what I mean. (; Already went out to catch POTC4 with Jun yesterday & then to yumcha with Dee & the boys later at night. Bumped into the boys & Lian so I hung with them after Dee & the boys left. Going for Fast5 later with my wifey & her boyfie, or my brother in other words. Can't wait! :D Then in the night, got a BBQ thing with all the ADP students and may be going for drinks after. Don't think there'll much I'll be complaining about for awhile now. (;

I can't promise you that I'll be updating again some time soon because I'll probably be busy with work next week. I'll try my best to, no doubt but don't hold your breath. Ciao chicas! x

All I Have Is Your Absence.

2011-03-29T04:01:00.001+08:00

I don't think it matters anymore if I've grown apart from certain people. It's nothing less than normal that people come and go. And you know what? I'm okay with that. I've learned to accept that these happenings are part and parcel of life. I'm grateful though, for learning things the hard way.

Nothing and no one has ever emotionally tortured me to such an extent but, despite it's cons, come the pros. It feels like, I've always been on training wheels thinking they'd never come off but when someone actually took the liberty to, I didn't realize when moving forward until I fell, giving me bruises me all over. But I'm partly to blame because I never thought those training wheels would come off but they did when I wasn't well prepared for the fall; I have you to thank for that.

You've taught me how to be independent. You've planted the thought in my head telling me that one day, no one's gonna be there for me. That I'll have to be strong for my own sake, for no one but myself. And I couldn't agree with you more.

As much as I'd hate to admit it, I'm still struggling to get back up on my own two feet but I'm getting there. I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me because I know I'm coming outve this a-hell-lot stronger than I was before and pity won't do any good for me so don't bother. (: I don't know how to thank you because seeing as we're not on talking terms right now or if we'll ever be talking again for that matter, I think this will have to do.

Whether you'll ever read this or not, I hope all is good with you. No matter how bad things may have ended between the both of us, I will never come to terms of hating you for the choice you chose. I respect your decision and as long as you're happy, that's all that matters. I hope you find everything you're looking for and more. Take care and all the best, J. x

Baby Get Shaky, Break The Rules.

2011-03-18T16:26:00.004+08:00

Woke up to Amanda call this morning. Had, what? Abt 8 hours of sleep? Haha. It's been awhile. (: I have so much to update on and I guess I'd better get right to it before anything else comes in the way!

It's been two weeks since my birthday has passed & my emotional well being has been on a roller coaster ever since. As I blogged in the beginning of the week, I mentioned I was studying for my finals and jie was around as well so I had quite abit to keep myself busy ; My birthday on the other hand started out really well; NickJTan called jst bfr midnight & he sounded as if he was really upset, said that he fought with his parents and told me tht he was outside my house. Of course with my mind being elsewhere & thinking about my own shit, I didn't have a clue & least expected the second family - Mayy, Dee, Asif, Amanda, Eugene, NickJTan, William, Eileen, & Sean - to surprise me at my gate at the strike of midnight with a slice of cake when I opened my front door . (': Too bad I don't have any kodaks. Was so glad they came over tho, really made my night. They stayed fr abt an hr & we talked abt plans we'd made fr the night. Hugged everyone goodbye around 1AM (: Rachel even stopped by in the afternoon just to pass me my present! Really appreciated her effort cause she's only came to my house once, wasn't sure of her way around the area & made the effort to make calls jst to get directions to come over. I can't say how much I love her, for real. ♥

Rae & Dee's presents to me; Dee got me a really good eyeliner! (;

And Rae got me a really pretty charm bracelet.
She slipped in a free makeover voucher too in the bag. (Y) Double loveee.

Thanks for the presents, babes! Much loveeeee! (:

Went to Pavillion during the day with the folks & jie. Dad was so fascinated with Sticky that everytime mom, jie & i were to stop at a shop fr awhile, he'd walked bck over to Sticky to look at how they were making the stuff. Uber cute. (:

People are beginning to say we look more alike now. LOL.
5 years apart but still as tight as ever. I love her to bits & I'm
so glad we didn't fight over anything when she came back this time.

Won't write much abt what happen in the night. Its nothing I'm ashamed of, really and if you'd like to knw, you can always ask me. (:

botakboiiiiiiiii! (:

It was my last night of partying before I went totally MIA with the bunch. Was completely antisocial & stayed at home for most of the week. The only times I went out was fr college, group studies/assignment & to spend quality time with jie. Nothing else.

Days in college ;

Amandaaaa (;

During class. (;

ENC 1!
Clockwise from top left:
Casey, Aaron, Mr. Sina, Vilton, Jeanette, yrs truly, Rachel, Merveen, Audrey, Charmaine & Cleo. We're a small class but class is still pretty fun, nonetheless. (:

Vilton, Rae & I with Mr. Sina. (:

Group assignments and study seshs!

Don't expect to see kodaks of us studying cause most of 'em are of us blowing off some steam aft a long day. (;

At Lucky9.

With Aaron, David & Vilton. (:

--

Rae, David & I literally went bonkers at Starbucks w/
David's Mac when we were supposed to be studying!
Laughed like maniacs but only because they're really good photos!

David : Okay okay! Act macho!
*does pose & the timer goes off*
David : HAHA. I didn't mean literally!
I couldn't think of anything else to do!

RAE! IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I MISS YOU! YUMCHA SOON. AT AARON'S SHOP. ♥

Sorry, but I believe I'm one of a kind. (;

Anyway, those were taken jst a day before finals started. Haven't been up to much this week. Spent my entire Tuesday after my CIS 101 exam going around Hartamas with jie and then getting my nails done while jie had a much needed massage. - I'll blog about food and others the next post! - Yup, pampered ourselves like mad that day. Now, it's back to me being an only child at home again since jie went back on Wednesday night. I miss her terribly already ); I should really save up money to go to Melbourne on my own again for a short holiday to spend more time with her. HEH. Come to think of it, I think maybe I'll consider doing tht.

Spent the last two days hangin' around Subang. Went to find Kinks & Nic Tan in INTI on Wednesday but I couldn't stay for long so told them Mayy & I would be back the next day. I'm gonna go really off topic here but the cue sticks in AC are so much lighter compared to the ones in Lucky9! I just had to say it so don't mind me. (:

Remember Kinks, everyone?! Hahah.
Even though we're living a street away from each other, I haven't seen her fr awhile.
Sadly, that's what college does to high school friends. People tend to grow apart physically,
but I'm glad we still haven't changed the way we are towards each other! (':

Mhmm, and that girl on the extreme right has also been MIA in my life. My seowwww!
I've missed how we three would be together so it was good just catching up. Hehe. (:

And this is Nic Tan. (: Went to INTI to show some support fr him since he joined
a talent show. Unfortunately, time didn't permit me to stay long enough & I had to
ciao within an hour aft the competition had started. He had my vote anyway! (:

Here's where yesterday came into the picture. I'm not gonna write a word about heartbreak today cause I think I've written enough about all that crap in my previous posts. Started my day in a rush. I woke up late since I slept late the night before again & I had errands to run before going down to Subang. Waited fr Mayy, did a few things & was down in Subang just before 1pm. For some odd reason, time seemed to pass really slow yesterday. No complains though cause I really got to savour the time spent with my girls. (':

Had lunch at AC when Joel came to look for me. We hung out for awhile before he had to head up to class. He was about half an hour late. Haha, even the day before, Kinks was abt 20 mins late for class. I'm now starting to think Mayy & I may be a bad influence. ;P

BOTAK. (:

KinkyKavee & CrazyMayy. ♥

After lunch, we headed up to play a couple of rounds of pool. We were fooling around so those two games actually took us awhile to finish. Mayy's been wanting to camwhore so yeah. You're gonna be expecting a lot of photos of her & I fr the next two weeks. If not here, then facebook. HEHE.

Walked back down to McD's aft tht. On our way there, as we were walking and talking, we passed a few people when Mayy suddenly stopped and said "Did someone jst call your name? I heard someone say yr name" . Being as oblivious as I always am to my surrounding, I gave her a simple no but turned around to look anyway & I saw Kenny and Jian Lin. Haha. I think the world is too small. Talked to them for abit then headed on to Mcd's. Kinks had to head back up to class just before 4PM and that's when Nic called. Told him where we were & he came to see us eventually. We moved back to AC but went to KTZ bfr to look fr Kenton. It was raining when we wanted to leave so we just sat down to talk for awhile. Only left around close to 5PM & we were lucky we didn't get caught in the jam. Went straight to the Curve fr gym aft, which would explain why I was supposed to turn in early last night cause I was soooo tired!

Just before heading home.
We were waiting fr someone to get bck to us with our ID cards, & we got bored. (:

Haha, I got Mayy to play the Idiot Test on my iTouch & she's not happy with her almost average results! It's tough because you have to read the questions properly before you do anything. It's a great app. Requires you to think logically & strategically. I'd recommend it to anyone who loves a challenge jst as much as I do. (;

That's about it I guess. (: Going to the gym again later. Gonna try out yoga for a change. Ahaha. My calves hurt from body combat yesterday so I'm hoping the stretching won't be too strenuous After that, am meeting up with the bunch at safa. Even though I hate the place cause their service sucks balls, I'm just going there to see the second family. Gonna follow up on HIMYM for now since I've got nothing else better to do. Ahhaaaaa. Ciao cincaus! Stay tuned for more. xx

I Only Wished For Better ;

2011-03-18T02:24:00.002+08:00

I was supposed to turn in early today. Mad tired cause I've been up & about without much sleep. Rushing from one place to another too. Not to mention gym was killer today! I'm darnn surprised at how my body could still keep up with the pace though. BodyCombat kicks ass, i swear. However, I've no clue to why I'm still up. I know my body's physically tired, & maybe I'm a little braindead too. I should probably go get some shut eye anyway. Been up 'til 4AM++ for almost five consecutive nights already & if I don't fix my erratic sleeping pattern, I should be expecting a serious meltdown one of these days. And I certainly DONT want tht. Will update when it's bright & sunny out. Goodnight folks!

after gym today, with Mayy on the right. ♥

// One look at you had my heart racing & my hands shaking. I wanted to just go over & talk to you but.. I ran away instead. I wasn't angry at you, but I was afraid of how you'd react if I did go over to talk to you. What would you have done if I really did anyway?

Losing Faith.

2011-03-15T03:18:00.001+08:00

// My stress level has gone down to almost zilch. Why? Because my hormones are acting up again; Going through possible shit at home, trying to keep myself together & I've got a test to sit for in the morning, at 9:30AM, when I'm not even sure if I've studied enough.

Life throws the shittiest of shit at you at the shittiest time. It's been awhile.. and I thought I had finally let go. Too bad thinking of something & feeling something else come under two totally different categories. What hurts the most? Was having said goodbye thinking we'd still remain the same when you got back, when I lost you and didn't get the chance to bid goodbye properly instead. Goodbyes never hurt.. not unless you know you're never gonna say hello again. Get the picture?

It's been almost 3 weeks since I last saw you, when everything was still good; Now, I'm clueless if we've cut ties. If, you'd think I'd be a pest if I were to talk to you. If, you'd tell me to move on again. If you actually even still care about me at the very least. Yeah, it hurts but.. not as much as feeling as if I've completely lost you, as a friend too.

Hard Truths.

2011-03-08T03:42:00.000+08:00

now playing : Rest of me - Late Night Alumni.

There have been times when my heart questions the what ifs, but my head quickly fills up the blank spaces with oh wells.

Part of me wants to re-live everything all over again, but part of me says it's not worth it;
Maybe it's not about what I wanted, or what you wanted, but it's about what we both could've really learned & taught each other.

Reality is, I'm slowly moving on. Ironically, with or without you, it still hurts; I know everyone else around me is trying their best to make me happy, and I can't say they haven't. It's just not the same.

// i neeeeeddsss ta'be more focused. i thought after a few days, everything would blow over and I'd be back to normal like how I always am but I was wrong. Shopping & (not even!) partying has helped. I know you're still somewhere trapped inside my head no matter how busy I try to let myself be because, at the end of the day when I'm up & alone in the wee hours of the morning, it jst boils down to the same shitty feelings.

*sigh It's time I find myself again. I think I've maybe forgotten how to be me for a bit. Jap. Lemme' find my face & I promise, I'll be back to normal. (; bare with me in the meantime!

Tonight's The Night You Prepared Me For.

2011-03-03T23:13:00.002+08:00

Things ended. And guess what? No one's really here to comfort me; I can't cry anymore.. It's not that I don't want to. I'm awfully sad, but.. I expected things to end. I know you wanted to gimme' a week to prepare for the worst.

I brought this onto myself & I deserve it anyway. I don't know if this was ever love, but people say, if you like/love someone that much, let them go. Keeping them from leaving is not gonna make them happy either way. I know atleast I gave it one last try. Seeing you for one last time for real closure would have been a much better way to end things but too bad this is as best as it gets.

I know this is bound to make me stronger. Someway, somehow, it's a lesson learnt the hard way. People tell me, one way to get over everything is to erase anything that holds any trace evidence of what used to be, but no. I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna deal with it. Even if things hurt like a bitch now, it'll resolve with time. I know I'm not one to sit around & mope for long. I may, just for awhile but I'll be back on my feet in a matter of time.

To Amanda, Deirdre, Mayy, Rachel, NickJTan, Joel, Asif & Nic Tan, you all have been nothing but the best. Thank you for being there for me the past week, checking up on me when I'm jst trying to keep everything to myself. It's nothing but a blessing. (: I'd like to thank the one person for everything he's given me the past 2months+ too. He put up with a lot of my shit, respected me & I was lucky to have him for as long as I had him. So, thanks Jey. You've really been amazing & i'll miss hanging out with someone like you. (: It was good fun all the way. Don't know if you'll read this but take care anyway. All the best!

Anyway, I'd better be hitting the sack soon. Bfast with NickJTan tmrw, then lunch at the Curve with Kar Kei & the rest. (: It's gonna make up for all the meals I missed these past few days. Naits!

Live Fast, Die Young. Go All In.

2011-03-02T23:54:00.004+08:00

Having a breather from the books. (: Have been a good girl today. Stayed in most of the day & went out with jie only arnd 4ish to visit granma & then to the Curve to hangkai. It's been a long time since jie & I could berbond like that. ♥ I even bumped into Mr. Sina - my english lecturer - at the Curve, and yeah.. it was.. odd. Haha.

Have been trying to keep myself busy to stop thinking about things. It's working. Thankfully, nothing has disrupted my concentration in class. Went out with Dee to Herris last night to meet up with Leysha & Pei Wen but we bumped into the 6T9ners & the other ttdi boys, & the BSD boys came too. Took the opportunity to catch up with the boys. It's been ages since I last saw them so it was all good. (:

Ogre loveeeee. (:

Dee & Aidit. (:

Jo & Mars!

♥

Marc asked me to take up a job. He said the place is short of staff & the pay's not too bad. Hours are flexible too. Tempting. But am still considering. In the meantime, exams are my first priority. (: I probably already screwed up the majority of my highschool life, so I'm not gonna do the same thing in college. I promised myself that and it's a promise I'll keep.

My semester's ending earlier than expected too. 15th of March is gonna be my last day 'til.. the first week of April? I'M GOING FOR A HOLIDAY. I don't care. And maybe Genting again since Aidit ajaked. (: No, Genting is not gonna count as a holiday since it'll be just a day trip. And it'd be great to get together with the high school bunch again & go crazy just like old times. Then maybe Penang & the beach? (; Ahh, can't wait.

I've got my plans all lined up nicely for the rest of the week too. Guess who's turning 18? Initially, my week looked totally dead. Now, lunchdinnerlunchdinnerpartylunchdinneryumchalunchdinnerSLEEP. Haha. I'm all hyped up. Will try & find time to keep everyone updated! And I just wanted to say thanks to all of those who read my blog religiously. Y'all are awesome for always coming back even though I was on a hiatus over long period of time. Gotta' get back to ma' books now. Time's a wasting. (; Sleep tight everyone, xx

"even though I'm not crying, it doesn't mean it's not heartbreaking"
ditto.

Chill Pill-Ing.

2011-03-01T09:41:00.009+08:00

---

I gave in to everything last night. I'm not usually like this. No. Not with other guys. What is it about you? I can't tell. But what happen last night.. I haven't felt hurt like that in years, I can tell you that.

This is exactly what I was afraid of. It's exactly what I tried to stop myself from getting into. How I told you that I was scared of letting myself get hurt again.. that one particular night but you reassured me, saying that things are gonna be fine, that I gotta know "some things are worth hurting for"; I didn't mind making myself look pathetic last night because I'm hanging on to the things you told me the other night.. That night I gave you a chance to change things.

I'm not going to be selfish, point fingers and say that you broke my heart.. even though it hurts this bad, I still want to fight for it because I know, I'm the one who made you unhappy to begin with. Baby, I'm human, and you told me that's what you like about me, that I'm not perfect. I've made my mistakes, I've realized them & I've apologized. Only because I am sorry. Will you give me a chance make things right again?

/// I've got one week to pull myself together. To prepare for the worst. To only hope for the best; The one week that I've got to worry about my SPM results, studying for my finals and.. losing you; Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot.

2011-02-28T12:30:00.003+08:00

Day 4.

What am I having for lunch today?
What do I wear?
Was that a message tone I heard?
What was the name of that song?!
Omgoshh, can you drive any slower?
Didn't anyone tell you it's rude to stare?
- lately - Will things ever change?

///

When people ask me if I'm alright, it just reminds me of how I'm not.

I can't keep pretending that I'm okay. Not when you're so ignorant to everything. We're two totally different people, and I think we both want different things. You puzzle me. My heart tells me to hold on but my head tells me to let go. I want to be rational about all of this. Rash decisions are only gonna make things worse but do I always have to be the one to bring up a problem? I feel like nuisance.

Eight ways to win my heart.

2011-02-27T02:17:00.000+08:00

Day 3.

I won't disclose this in such detail. I'm not gonna let any boy know exactly how to get to me. (;

Don't leave me hanging.
Put aside your ego.
Respect me.
Accept me as I am & don't try to change me.
Be adventurous.
If I wanna pay fr the meal, let me.
Always be honest with me, no matter how much it hurts.
Be there for me.

// Here are pictures from Friday. (:

Nick picked me up first before all the others so I got to sit shotgun in his new Vios. (;

Chilled at the Jetty, OU for the rest of the afternoon after Dee & Nick were all done getting pierced.

Dee. ♥

Why so angryyyy? D:

kena influenced by jey -.-

William.

Nick's industrial piercing. (Y)

Quite the candid. lol.

Was another chilling day just sitting down by the water during the afternoon rain, gabbing with Dee&the boys. Went to Fat Spoon in D'sara Utama to satify my craving for red velvet! Totally yumz. P: I went home as happy as a little girl.

/// I know I was supposed to blog about Genting a few days ago too. It isn't too late now, so I think I'mma do that. (:

Managed to wake up to Manda's text around 8ish in the morning despite going through a tough&late night a few hours before. In other words, I didn't get much sleep. Woke everyone else up, showered & got everything set before Jey came to pick me up arnd 9ish. Everything was going according to plan until we realized that Dee was still fast asleep when she wasn't picking up our calls. William suggested we throw rocks at her window from the back of her house but jst as we were abt to, Nick managed to get through to her cell. Was on the road to Sri Gombak to meet up with Amanda&Eugene by 10ish. After having breakfast at Mcd's, we headed up to get the fun started. (;

Jeyy ;
(why I said I got influenced)

Deeeeeeee! :3

Eugene, Nick & William.

Amanda & Dee. ♥

the boys + my camera = camwhore shots.

My failed jumpshot. ):
Nick can jump friggin' high.. & i'm friggin' jealous. like friggin'...yeaaah. ):
freak.

manwhore (:

We came back down after 4hoursplus. The ride down was way colder than being up there itself. Even got sunburned while we were up there & I could walk around the place without my hoodie! Went back to Nick's to chill aft that. (:

It's hard to catch him with his eyes open. Seriously.

Had dinner with him & Joe that night, then we went to Desa Park City after we dropped Joe back home. It was nice just sitting down to enjoy the slight breeze & the sights. I learned something from Jey too; If I could tell you how good that day really was, it really wouldn't be that good anymore. (;

It's 2:13AM as we speak & I'm rather sleepy. Spent my entire afternoon today (technically yesterday) in Times Square, shopping. Didn't buy much but will probably be heading there again on Monday! Everthing's dirt cheap & not as lalafied as before. Which reminds me, I've gotta rid my closet of unwanted clothes. I shall & I will.... when i'm free. (:

Have a good Sunday, everyone!

p.s. check out Sherwin&his band's video here !
It's a good song, so show some love? ♥

Nine Things About Myself.

2011-02-26T02:52:00.000+08:00

Day 2.

I'm short & I've accepted the fact.
Friends have all the power to bully me, but no one else does. I swear.
I get excited everytime anyone has a ghost story to tell eventho I'm scared shitless of 'em.
I believe in karma.
I would go absolutely anywhere for good food. Especially pretty places that are up to par!
I'm a hopeless romantic.
I'm not a huge fan of make up. The only make up I probly can't live without is an eyeliner.
I love dressing up but I'm more of a "casual is comfort" kindve person.
I've always wanted to travel the world since I was a little girl.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment"

If everyone's so afraid of being who they want to be, then what has the world come to be? People only gossip out of jealousy & disrespect. Hence, why give a shit? In life, you have got to learn how to live the way you want to live; when you're so self conscious about what people think about you, you begin to lose your self confidence. Be confident in what you have to say or do, just as long as you know the difference between the right & the wrong, live your life the way it should be lived & no less. (:

Totally ranting here and it's close to 3AM. Had a good day with Dee, Nick, William, Sean & Eric. Had lunch at Damansara Kim, headed to OU after, then D'sara Utama for cake. Nick dropped me back home, I had my dinner then William picked me up & we went to Dee's hse to watch a couple of movies with Amanda&Eugene! Was back home by 11:30PM. I'm soooo tired & my eyes are drying up. Gonna go talk on the phone for abit now & turn in after. Come back during the day or maybe tomorrow for pictures & challenge #3! (; Gnight lovelies.

I want your fingers intertwined with mine on cold nights like this.

10 Day Challenge Mou?

2011-02-25T03:49:00.001+08:00

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten: One confession.

///

Day 1.

the sisters come first! (:

#1 : Amanda Tan

You're amazing for standing up for me sometimes & I love you for being yourself; so loud & proud. (; I hope you know I'm here for you anytime you need me just as you've been there for me as well. And babe, don't ever change or have doubts about yourself okay? Be who you are because the ones that love you, will always accept you no matter what. Yknw I love you, Mandaaaa! (:

#2 : Brianne Chen

I miss you & I wish you were still around ); Within the couple of months that I got to know you & all those nights we spent, out for a drink, you have been nothing but a tonve fun. I hope you're settling okay in the land down under! I'm still here for you if you ever need me. I promise. (: And i meant it when I said I'd fly down there jst to kick whoever's backside that needs a good kicking.. whoever that tries to be funny with you. HEHE. I love you, Briii!

#3 : Deirdre Wong

You're my pillar of strength. I can't say how thankful I am that we've grown so close. You're among one the few that honestly understands me. I love how sometimes, eventho I keep to myself when I'm having a hard time, you just call, cut to the chase & ask "Sayang oii, what's wrong?" . You're not afraid to tell me things that may hurt me but that's what I love. Honesty. How we're always so real with each other, with no complications. I just wanna thank you for always taking care of me & being there for me, through thick or thin. I love you, baby! :3

#4 : Seow Li May

WIFEY! ARGH. I miss sitting beside you in school everyday! How I used to annoy you by literally sticking to you, & you annoying me by singing the same line of Bieber's Baby song every single day. Pfft. Even though we hardly see each other now, I still love how we can cheer each other up when we're down in the dumps, just by telling each other lame jokes. I love the fact that we're both hopeless when thinking of what we should do about our problems but both of us only helping each other out. Even though sometimes I'm not happy with what you do or what decisions you make, I still accept you for who you are cause I know we're all only human and we're meant to make mistakes. ANYWAY, I LOVE YOU LONG TIME OKAY. You'll always be my wife. (: xx

#5 : Catherhea

The one & only sister who has always kept me grounded & has always believed in me. She tells me that everything's gonna be okay when she knows how fcked up I feel at times. She's among the few who dares to dress the way she likes, do whatever she wants & say exactly what she feels she should say. I may never have said this but I look up to her for that. Best of all? She accepts me for who I am, without the slightest hint of judgement or dislike. If you're reading this jie, thank you for always accepting me as I am & for always making me feel better about myself when in doubt. You're a blessing in my life. I love you, Cat! (:

#6 : Nicholas Jamie Tan

Youuuuu.... YOUUUUUU.... You confuse me alot. :/ I've developed a love for you as my big brother. I know you've always been protective of me. You provide me fair warnings, if which I may add, have ruined some of my previous relationships but that's the thing about you.. I still care about what you have to say. The thing about you & i? Fighting over everything is just the way our friendship works. Without our fights, it just wouldn't be the same. But I'm always thankful you have been there to comfort me in many ways possible. So thanks, NickTheNINJAHH. (: lotsa loveee!

#7 : Jey Loo

I know you're not one who's good with words but there are times, you are just manis to the max. Other times, maybe too carefree. Will not get into that but I wanna thank you for taking time to spend with me lately. (: I appreciate how you travel the distance every other day just to have lunch & probably catch a movie with me.. or how you don't mind hanging out with my friends & make the effort to socialize with them.. But most of all, I wanna say sorry if I've been difficult to handle. Much love, x

#8 : William

The one&only manwhore! :D I've really enjoyed your company for the past few months. I know we've been friends since lower secondary but I never got to know you for real until now. I like the fact that you don't believe what gossip you hear about people & that you choose to get to know someone personally before judging them through the things you've heard. It's hard to find people who are like you these days. Please don't ever change because you're awesome just the way you are. lotsa loveee!

#9 : Asif

My unbiological dad. (': Through tuition, basketball, & school, you have been nothing but a great friend. I miss those days we used to study at Dee's. It'd be just you, Dee & I. How there were so much of shit we shared with each other all those nights. Or how I used to lean on your Ogre arm when I'm tired during our Pn. Rubiah days, or how we would talk about something infrontve Ms. Ng & whenever she caught us&gave us the stare, we'd pretend to be asking each other addmath questions, or how you stood up to my mom for me & said you'd accompany me home that night she left me stranded in BU. There is so much I will always be grateful for and you've been a great friend, Asif. Memang terbaekkkkkkk! (; hehe! LOVE YOU THE BANYAKS!

#10 : Rachel Lim

Babe, although we've only been friends for a very short period of time, you're really something. (: I'm glad that we met on our first day & that we can relate to alot of things in life. I don't know if you feel it but I find that it's really easy for me to open up to you. I honestly wouldn't know what I'd do without you in college. Love you lots! :D

/// I'm surprised it took me longer than I had expected to write this post. No wonder they call it a challenge. Anywoo, the names tht have been mentioned above are the ones who played a huge role in my life & are still playing the role. I would never trade any of them for anything else in the world. They feel like family to me. (:

It's currently 3:47AM on a Friday morning. Fortunately, I don't have class today. (: I'm so glad I get to sleep in. I'll call it a night for now. Update soon! xx

Things That Are Worthwhile Are Never Easy.

2011-02-24T20:22:00.002+08:00

That's why, our whole lives, we have to learn how to suck it up & be strong. Life will always have it's ups and downs. No matter what you do about it, there will be times you'll feel like you're stuck in a rut, feeling totally helpless and down but if you're all by yourself, who's gonna comfort you? Be in tune with your feelings but never numb yourself from the pain. Do it too often & baby, you'll lose all that life in you. The best option is to stick it out like you know what you're supposed to do & atleast be in control of the situation. Just keep calm & carry on.. or in my case..

EAT. For me, ice cream always helps. ♥
Going out with Dee, Dillon & Isaac. Meeting up with Sap & the bunch.
Update tomorrow.
Cheerios.
xx

Toxic.

2011-02-23T23:13:00.002+08:00

“ I’ve learned a lot these past few years, through my fake smiles and unseen tears, that friends sometimes are not forever and true love does not always last. the good memories stay with you but the good moments go by fast. but someone will always be there, someone that honestly does care. ”

; I've learned to put up walls in my life. I've learned how to stop expecting things to avoid being torn into pieces. Learned how not to let anyone get close enough to hurt me because I'm scared of the pain that'll follow through. The pain that comes with every promise broken, every lie told, every story you've ever told someone you thought you could trust, every bit of feeling like you've just been used to someone else's benefit & jst plain afraid of not being appreciated enough.

I want you to make me think of you otherwise because I'm beginning to feel like I should be keeping a distance from you as I'm falling deeper with time. *sighh I'm sorry.. it's just been a rough night.

Could This Be A Comeback?

2011-02-22T09:58:00.000+08:00

I've been meaning to blog over the last couple of weeks but I never got the chance to or I'd just lose my inspiration everytime I came online or my internet would jst be totally arsey with me & not let me upload photos; I've lost my mojo for quite awhile now.. experienced a writers block for what seemed like years & I've been jotting things down on notebooks more than I've been blogging which counts as a rare occasion because I never used to do tht. I'd just blog about everything. Every single thing. I remember how everyone used to blog. Now, it seems that Tumblr's all the rage. I sortve refuse to start a Tumblr because.. as much as I love looking at amazing photos & all the pretty typography, it's nothing compared to blogging. It's more personal than just reblogging someone else's work. Then again, this is in my own opinion. I mean no offense or whatsoever to those who use Tumblr . Different people have different taste, tht's all. (:

It's been months since I've last posted anything worth the read. I tweet most of the time because I've been on the go every other day ever since SPM ended. It's now almost about three months worth of going places, meeting new people & keeping in touch with old friends. Three months is a long time but I don't think I'm as satisfied, with what I've been doing all this time - or things I haven't done yet atleast - , as I actually should be. No disappointments or regrets though. 2011 has been nothing but smooth sailing so far.

Meet Rachel! (;
We bumped into each other on the way to orientation. It was our first day at college & we both jst clicked. (:

Usual nights that happen on a whim.

Mayy & Dee. ♥

the sisterhood. ♥

Jey, Tim & Leysha. (:

Old friends. ♥

my hot rockin' babes. ♥

and as the boys would say, "old flames" . haha. (;

Irreplaceable Ones. ♥

AFriend&AFoe.

My bestfriend. ♥

Just another one of our nights together ♥

Oinks&The Manwhoreeeee. ♥

Dim sum on one fine morning.

And finally, one of my last pictures with Bri. ):

College hasn't been too stressful yet. I'm sure it'll be in time but just not yet. Speaking of which, I had better get going. Meeting up with the bestfriend for lunch & class start at 2pm today & i don't wanna be late. Stay tuned for more! I've still got Genting to blog about.

'cause i'm fly like that.

Later gaterz! (;

2011, Let Me Believe In You.

2011-01-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

Greetings 2011 & whoever tht still reads this blog! I haven't done this in awhile. Feeling really outve touch&a lil' lost for words so pardon me if this post doesn't turn out to your liking or gets boring.

It's late on the 2nd of Jan, and I had a great start to my year. Spent it at Dee's place where we danced the night away & some drank. At the strike of midnight, we rushed outve the house to watch the amazing fireworks & we spent abt almost an hour on the road, literally on our feet, running around, wishing every car & passerby a happy new year. Made a huge ruckus as there were about 15 or more of us out on the street, screaming at the top've our lungs, so you can just imagine. (; Way to kickstart the year, don't you think so? And I spent every second of my New Year with the ones I love to bits.

As for 2010.. it was a mix of everything bad, good, bitter, & sweet. Last couple of months of the year really brought me down, apart frm all the post-SPM partying, things were more than shaky at home.. Will not get into tht so much but I think everyone who follows me on twitter probably knows.. no matter anyway. What's in the past, stays in the past & I shall just leave it be. Friendships were made, broken & fixed. Secrets shared. Experiences, I dared.

Nothing was expected in 2010, really. Whatever it was, good or bad, I've learned so much & I've so many people to be thankful for & I will be always grateful towards all of you. Yknw who you are because I've spent almost all my days & nights with you all, that it's hard not to miss you all within the next couple of days. (:

2010 also just happened to be my last year of highschool. In other words, the end of my drama days, THANK GOD. When I start college, I wanna start afresh. No more trashtalk from familiar faces because I don't give two shits if annons do it. And a major plus? I'm finally gonna do something I like. No more living the choices I didn't choose but were chosen for me. I'm done with all that bull.

Anyway, it seems to be getting pretty late. I'd better turn in cause i'm dead tired. Will update again sometime soon when i'm free. (; ciao bellaz. xx

Tell Me Everything's Gonna Be Okay.

2010-10-22T13:46:00.003+08:00

I got a thing or two to say to a few people, but I don't know how to.. so I'm hoping this will do.

A: On and off, I look at photos that your friends upload with hopes you'll be in an album or two and lucky enough, I've caught you in a few. I see how happy you look and I'm glad you're doing well. You're still as handsome as I can remember and I'm just thankful you're doing good. I'm still sorry at how things turned out so sour but I know you're better off & deserve so much more. Whatever it is, I'm just happy your happy because it's good to see you smile again. You probably still hate me and I don't blame you. I don't blame your friends either if they think the same abt me because I admit, I broke your heart.. but I just can't put you ahead of my priorities as much as I wanted to. But enough with that already, because no one else is to blame except myself and I know that. Hence, I'm sorry. I wanted to wish you all the best for trials the other day but.. I didn't think it would be such a good idea.. I even meant to write you a note when I gave yr watch to yr friend to hand it back to you but again.. didn't know you'd actually read it.. So, here & now, where this here is a place I don't if you'd actually visit, but in case you do, I'd like to wish you all the best in whatever you put your head and your heart into cause I know you're capable of doing & accomplishing great things. Whether or not you choose to acknowlegde this, or even know that I wrote this, that's entirely up to you, just thought I'd let yknw, I still pray & hope for the best for you. Good luck.

N: You've played such a big part of my life for the past two years. I don't regret that we've been through so much because without you, I won't be the same person that I am today. I wouldn't know how to handle so much pain & go through it everyday but still put a smile on my face in frontve everyone else. I wouldn't know how to stand up for myself & fight for what I think is right. I wouldn't know tht when you jam the brakes in yr car, to swerve left&right as much as you can to avoid crashing into the car infrontve you. I wouldn't know alot of things, but today, I've you to thank. As much as I used to hate you for doing the things you did to me, I still can't thank you enough for the times you've been there for me & sincerely, I do appreciate it from the bottom of my heart even if I may not show it because when no one else was there for me, you always were. Now, I see you've found her again & by the looks of things, I'm happy for you. (: So treat her as best as you can because you've learned frm yr mistakes with me and now's the time to make yourself happy again.

P: To tell you the truth, I enjoyed yr company when we used to talk alot. Then something had to happen, we got into a misunderstanding, I got busy with trials, and you with yr quizzes, and idk if you didn't want to talk to me or was just way too stressed out, but whatever the matter, please take care of yourself. I'm not sure how things are going with you but i'm glad I got to knw you a little better. (: Just don't overstress yrself aights. Acing tests may be important but so is yr health. Take care.

J: I know you're trying yr best to patch things up & I appreciate that you're making the effort. I know we've both said some things that hurt but didn't mean the past couple of weeks but it still doesn't change the fact that I felt so taken for granted and you of all people, should have known I've been having a tough time. Regardless, I can only hope things will start to look up because not being yr sister is sortve depressing as we could tell each other anything, laugh about everything & just be ourselves infrontve each other. Now things feel abit off & it jst feels odd. I'm willing to forgive & forget, but at the same time, I hope you know how much I've put on the line just for you, including my reputation at school. Think about it.

// I know I'm not perfect. I make mistakes and am just as flawed* as everyone else and I'm sorry I've hurt so many people over the years.. my family especially. It has taken me this long, to realize how much they do love me & want what's best for me. The distance that's been growing between us all at home is hard to put up with as I miss spending quality time with my parents but I'm glad we still get to sit down at the dinner table everyday to catch up over a good meal. Jie's coming back next year too so am looking forward to spending time with her again! (: As for now, I just need to focus, focus, focus. SPM's looks a little attention deprived to me at the mo, & it's kinda sad. This is it. The last push. I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do this right. Just watch me.

later gaterz! (;

Dear, I'd Thought I'd Drop A Line.

2010-10-21T21:08:00.001+08:00

Hellohello. I've been busy tiring myself out since trials were over. Even today, was outve the house since 10am. Just got bck abt an hour+ ago. I'm waiting for dinner to be done, then going over to Deirdre's again to study & since I've got time to kill, I'll update. (:

11/10/10

Deirdre (:

Mayy & Asif (:

photos were taken at Moe De Cafe, where we spent the last few hours of the night studying for our Physics P3. At first, we planned to go to Starbucks but by the time we got there, it was around 9.30pm & it was packed. So we moved. And omg, the most embarrassing thing happen.. as I was driving into a parking lot, I bumped into the curb, then I backed out, straightened my wheel, drove in again & hit it another time. Was freakaaaain embarrassing cause we were right infrontve Starbucks & people that were sitting outside, looked over to see tiny me behind the wheel! ): zzzz thankfully, the car's alright. (: called it a night & dropped Deirdre & Asif bck at Deirdre's by 11.30pm.

13/10/10

Lian, Kinks, Amy & Ila.

Mayy (:

my sexies. (;

Sanju & Pinky!

Amy & Darren. (;

The day was spent with my dearest darls & boys. ♥ We planned to go down to Bangsar as the girls wanted to hunt fr their prom dresses & the boys, their suits; Mayy, Amy, Ila & Darren came over to my place jst before 11 in the morn, waited & (Darren) mocked baby (he called her a freaking buffalo!) while I got dressed. We left my place at slighty past 11am and Ila picked Jia Wen & Lian up while I picked Kinks up and dropped something off at Nikki's. By the time we got to Bangsar, we were sortve hungry, so we popped by at Pappa Rich first before we were back on our feet & shopping. Sanju & Pinky(Hfz Ismail) met up with jst as we paid.

The hunt began frm then on! We girls were lucky tht the boys didn't grumble much. I mean, where else would you find three boys, who followed a group of girls around, walking up & down countless flights of stairs, if not our boys? (; Not forgetting how noisy we'd be in every other shop we found ourselves in & would make a ruckus, as per usual. I can tell you that I was with great company. ♥

Then, the most unpredictable thing happen; I gave my camera to the boys and told them to make themselves useful & help us take photos for the day & when Darren wanted to take a shot of us, three ladies tht were passing by, saw us, approached us & asked us to go for casting. So we said "Why not?" and took up their offer. (: Spent awhile there but Darren, Lian & myself walked out right aft they took our shots to fetch Kinks off to tuition. Went back to D-casting aft, said thanks & we ciaoed.

The boys took off aft the shoot cause they had futsal, so it was jst us girls. And for some reason, we seemed to get alot of unwanted attention after 'em boys left. Not in a very bad way but random people were saying hi to us, staring, & even some old indian dude rolled down his window & said "oii, leng lui" to us when driving past. hahaha. Hilarious. We didn't have trouble crossing the streets as well cause people tht would driving would just stop & let us pass with a smile on their face. (; benefits of being a girl, tht's what i would say. hah.

Didn't do much aft tht, just sat down for a drink at Coffee Bean & gabbed awhile, then made a visit to a few last shops. Called it a day right before 6pm. Ila & I sortve raced bck to the neighbourhood aft tht. HAHA. Actually, I wouldn't say race cause traffic was a wee bit heavy, but she kept cutting into my lane so that I wouldn't get past her. Amy & Mayy, who sat shotgun in Ila's & my car, were screaming at each other on topve their voices from the window. When we came to a toll, Ila went to the Touch&Go lane while I was on the normal lane with an extra lane in between our cars & the lady had the "shit, wtf is going on?!" expression on her face cause Mayy & Amy BOTH sounded supa gangsterrr. hahaha. Seriously babes, we need to do this more often!

16/10/10

Mayy made plans to yumcha with the guys on the 15th but it didn't work out and Andrew asked us to go out on Saturday instead. Dickson & Mayy came to pick me up aft I was done with dinner around 9pm, with Asif already in the car & went to Pelangi to pick Afi up. Headed to Andrews to meet up with everyone else aft & when we got there, they were still busy playing rockband -__-' by the time everyone got to AC, excluding Terry who made a wrong turn & landed himself in Kota D'sara again(i'm still wondering how tht happened), it was already almost 10pm. Played a few rounds of pool, & was more than satisfied at how the night turned out. (: . Was home before midnight.

Ken Keng, Andrew, Terry, Jason & Afi. (:

with mayy & dickson! (:

Andrew

♥

18/10/10

Went for NinjaJoe with Kinks, Mayy & Dickson!! We were fresh outve sch & Dickson came to fetch Mayy when sch was out. Had a good laugh before, during & after lunch. Made a fool outve ourselves & people were giving us looks as if we weren't human & insane but it didn't matter cause everytime I look at the photos now, it jst brightens up my day. (': And i think I really need an emoticon made for myself.

HEHE.

// other than that, a whole group of us went to McD's Centrepoint yday for lunch. Was last min, so aft Pinky sent me home, I changed, took the car & picked the twins up, & went back to sch to meet up with the rest before takin' off to macs. Lunched & made fun of Darren who made friends with three small kids through a glass panel cause it was just so funny. Couldn't stay for long tho & the twins & Kinks had tuition so I sent them home and the rest came bck to my place, except for Darren & Marc who went to DJ instead. Watched the Grown Ups but Justin called halfway thru so I went downstairs to talk to him over the wall. Been ages since we last did tht. After the movie finished, everyone came downstairs & we took off to Devis. Great day spent with great friends, if I may say. (:

Went out with Kar Kei & Justin today. Went to Kota D'sara & walked around aimlessly as we couldn't decide where to eat. After havin' a good breakfast & chillin' at Giza fr awhile, we tried to find a place to play snooker but the two places we went to were both closed, so we fled to OU instead. Homg, Kar Kei's car suspensions are insaneeeeee. When she drives over bumps, my ass literally flies off the seat! But it's fun. :P Played snooker at OSC for about an hour & a half and it came up to RM30! Shiznits man. If we played for that long at AC, it would only come up to about RM16 or RM17. And not to mention, the smoke in OSC is killer.. like, i mean literally. Another reason for me not to go back there. After Kar Kei dropped Justin & I home, took the car & picked Asif up to head to the library. Before that, we dropped by at OU cause he wanted to buy something. Left within half & hour and got down to some serious studying. Quite satisfied with what I managed to absorb today but I only wish I could study like that everyday.. *sighs. Oh well. I'd better get going. Deirdre already texted & dinner's ready! Till next time, xx

P.S. really lazy to reread & check my grammar errors so just pardon my mistakes. :B BUHBYE.

Innocent Eyes.

2010-10-17T17:26:00.002+08:00

If you look inside a girl's heart and see how much she cries. You'll find secrets, promises and lies. But what you'll see most is how hard she tries to stay strong. When nothing is right and everything's wrong.

Let's Play A Simple Game, With All Yr Broken Rules.

2010-10-10T09:52:00.003+08:00

Hello Sunday morning of 10/10/10. (: how nice of you to greet me with an empty house & bakkutteh-less. Yeaph, the folks went to Klang without me! Just because they said I have to study for my physics papers, which yes.. I sortve have to but imma blog first. (:

Trials haven't been a walk in park. My daily routine was - school, home, lunch, library, home, dinner, Deirdre's house(study group), home, sleep - for the past two weeks! And I'd usually end up only going home around 11ish after we're done studying. I can't say I haven't enjoyed myself tho. Not the studying bit but going to Deirdre's almost every night with Asif and idk, studying with them calms my nerves a lot more than studying on my own. We've had a few laughs and we stuff our faces with potato chips & soft drinks tht her folks insist we have almost all the time. (: haha, I love her folks, really. (Y)

Anywooooos, have been dealing with a lot of drama lately & as much as I hate all of it.. I've come to terms to accept it. Some are sorry, and probably some are not. But what I've had to go through the past two weeks.. it has shed alot of light on who deserves my trust and who doesn't. Mehh, I've had enough of this shit. I'm done being so nice to everyone when I'm just gonna be trashtalked about. So, 'nuff said.

///

The past two days have been soooo liberating, i swear. After sitting for Chem1&2 on Friday, told Asif I'd take him out for Subway cause I think the boy deserves it, right Deirdre? haha, it's inside thing between us three. (;

Asif. (:

and meet, Deirdre. (;

Then we went back to Deirdre's place to chill while I waited for Nick to come get me. (: Had no idea where to go aft I hopped into his car & we ended up at AC playing snooker. Bumped into Sarah & her boyf, Jeremy when we were there. I think they're uber cute together. Haha. Played one round with her while the boys went off to foos then aft their game, it was Sarah & Jeremy against Nick & I. Two rounds and Sarah sapu-ed everything. Should play with her more often man. (Y)

Sarah, the cousin. ♥

Didn't do much aft tht. Came home, lazed around, watched tv. Mom came home & caught up with her since I haven't been at home for most of the nights since I'd be at Deirdre's studying; Went off to Nick's around 8ish then we picked Mayy & Dickson up and headed downtown for some beef noodles! Seremban's beef noodles are still the best, hands down but the one in town wasn't too bad. (: Hahah, I was screaming like a madwoman in Nick's car. Cause Nick has a very bad habit of tailgating & I don't like it so I told him, I'd keep screaming until he stopped, just to irritate him & it worked aft awhile.. but I lost my voice too. -__-' ugh. The ride back was good enough since we survived & didn't throw up. (Y)

clockwise from front left:
Nick, Mayy, Dickson & moi. (:

♥

Saturday was real good too. I got to see another two of my most favourite people I've been missing for awhile now AND I was pretty psyched about ChicPOP. (; By the time I got home from breakfast with the folks, Catherhea was already waiting at the door. Mayy came not long aft & we took off but instead of picking Nick up & heading over to TTDI Plaza, we had to go to Kelana Jaya cause Cat had forgotten to take something and the heat was so bad, we were sortve half baked in her car. Haha. Aft tht, only did I realize I forgot to take extra money, so made another trip back to my place & picked Nick up on the way. Haha, the poor boy became our handy boy for the day and carried my recycle bag around :D Saw a number of familiar faces; Nick Thang, Jasmine & Sha-lyn, Kemuel & some of his friends, and of course, school friends;

As soon as we got there, I called Elizabeth & we hung out. Haven't seen her in AEONS and I swear, I've missed her! Sunday school wouldn't have been the same without her and I miss seeing her face every sunday now. ): *sigh. I should make it a point to keep in touch with her man zzzz ANYWAY, we walked around for quite abit, got ice cream, bought prettay' things & met Cat's friend frm TiC who took a couple of style shots of Cat & I. Haha, left the place feeling more than satisfied eventho I only bought one dress but I loveloveeeloveeeeee it! ♥ i've been doing mondo lots of shopping the past three weeks. If you follow me on twitter, then you'd probably know. haha, photossss? (;

this is Eli & Mayy, being totally jakun infrontve a BAR, called IP MAN.
yes, haha, unfortunately, I know them. :P

I don't like you for being so camerashy, Cat! I don't have any photos with you from yday ): eh wait.. okay, maybe Nick has some. Hahaha. shall go ask frm him. Hehehehe. Got back into the car and since Nick was kept whinning about being hungry, we talked about where to go but everyone ended going back instead. Kesian him.. hah, Sorry nick! Promise to treat you to a meal next time to make up fr it, kay? (: 'twas a good day, all in all.

///

I'm feeling porky today, so imma talk about Ninja Joe burgers! :D went to Tropicana City Mall a couple've weeks ago with my folks and since we weren't all too hungry, we settled for fast food.

Before anything else, lemme' forewarn you it's a non-halal restaurant. Their sales go by the number of burgers you buy and wht flavour you want.

They've got original, oriental, teriyaki, black pepper, spicy, and sweet&sour. Mom said her teriyaki was good but dad didn't fancy his original. I had a black pepper & omg... it's good stuff. Loved it!

Am already planning my next trip there with Cat cause she loves NinjaJoe too! And now, i can't wait cause this post just got me craving! Gosh. It's nothing special but you have to admit, it's something different. The only downside to it, is tht it's quite small. A growing boy, possibly around my age that eats like a normal boy, would definately have to order more than just one burger.. cause one, won't be filling enough. If you're interested on tryin' them out for yrself,

LG-18, Tropicana City Mall
Petaling Jaya, Malaysia;
Opening hours:
11.00am - 10pm.

I think I've blogged enough for now. Hahaha. Well, this is ninjadeeebs, signing out! (;

I Solemnly Swear That I'm Up To No Good.

2010-09-19T18:39:00.002+08:00

joel, mah' brahhhder

edward, moi, afi, mayy & dickson.

from left: jason, kevin, dickson, mayy & andrew.

and the ones, who have been taking such good care of me fr the past few weeks. ♥

////

By the title, I mean I should be studying instead of blogging. No details on the photos 'cause it'll be too time consuming, too much to talk abt but there was one highlight when we were hangin' at Starbucks not too long ago tho. (:

Mayy Afi Edward Dickson Me
(certain information in this conversation will not
be disclosed due to reasons tht will be left unmentioned)
Oih Edward! Come for our prom la!
You nvr ajak me also!
Haha. She's asking you now la.
Mmmm. -.- When is it?
it's on the [date].
oh. where?
[insert hotel name].
Oh. Come for mine la. It's on the [date].
Haha, yr college one is different frm our prom ma. Where's it gonna be?
The Renaissance Hotel.
Renaissance? Which one?? The Malacca one?
KL one la!
*everyone laughs*
You crazy ah? All the way in Malacca. Hahaha.
Hahhaahhaha, damn funny wei, if everyone were to drive down to Malacca jst fr prom.
Hahha, yea, stupid question to ask actually.

Afi's was so blur but the way he asked was so cute, all innocent and all. Great way to start the morning, really. I love having to sit down with jst a bunch of yr friends, making harmless jokes & laughing at each other cause it's always so chilling. (: I want more days like these, pls. :D

/////

Sometimes you've gotta' believe, even with broken wings.

On a very unrelated note; Mom has always told me to see the good side to everything, because everything always happens for a reason. We're all meant to live our lives according to our own expectations & find whatever that makes us happy & when yknw smth upsets you, we should knw not only to let it go but keep moving, because if we hold on to it, it will only bring us down. Nothing is ever stuck in reverse;

I'm trying my very best to keep up with patience, but I seem to be losing it. Idk, with ppl around you who say "she's so easy to get to", "she forgets people", "she just wants attention" ... honestly, if you've something to say abt me, say it to me. I wouldn't care if you were people I don't knw but the problem is, I know each and every one of you. If you choose to judge me frm wht other people tell you abt me, then I can tell you one thing for sure... You don't know me and/or the truth. Unfortunately, it's not up to my control to let you hear what you DO hear. As fr myself, as much as I've heard so far, it's heartbreaking to knw tht even the ones you thought you knew so well, would ever speak of such things. Good thing is, I really knw who will now always, ALWAYS be by my side despite all the shit I do and still have the guts to stand up fr me, whtever the reason. And I think you would knw who you are too;

School's starting tmrw. *sigh It's time to face the music.. and I already hear the soft tones of terror lurking not too far away. much love, xx

I always want what I can't Have, But I've got to try.

2010-09-13T04:06:00.001+08:00

Nick just ditched me over the phone to watch Naruto. Hence, I'm stuck here, not sleepy, possibly a little insomniac, and I've got nothing else to do. AND I'M HUNGREH. thanks to Gary who just tempted me with tom yam instant noodles. TOM YAM!! shit.. i can feel my mouth watering already.... *breathes. ugh. OKAY, I. will. not. think. abt. food. at. this. ungodly. hour. but. rant. instead. D:

For a start, I still can't believe I went to 6 malls in the last four days. Thursday it was OU with Kar Kei, Danny, Lian & Kinks. Friday, KlCC with the folks during the day & Sunway Pyramid with Mayy&Dickson during the night. Saturday, Mid Valley with the folks. Sunday, Tropicanna City Mall w/ mom for late lunch & some shopping then Sunway Giza with both, mom&dad for dinner. Mad weekend & ugh, I knw it may be a tad too early for me to say, but am getting bored of driving already. -__-'

I've no pictures frm the past few days so don't expect me to post anything up on facebook or here. Thursday was good catching up with the group tho. It was Carls Jr. fr lunch, and I had their chilli cheese fries which was the only thing I ate tht day besides my uber late dinner & a cup of macha ice cream. God, I've this sick obsession for green tea ice cream. Kinks' says my tastebuds are made to be weird, which I think is partially true and a lie... or maybe just a big FAT lie. LIELIELIE... LIE! Then we walked around, bumped into Mei Yin otw to Coffee Bean & got her to join us fr a drink while she waited fr her friends to show. Hahaha. As far as I can remember, she's still really funny. (: couldn't find anything else to do aft so we went back to Danny's to catch The Grown Ups. Good stuff, I can tell you tht. (; Danny dropped me back home around 5ish.

It's 3.56 am and how am I not sleepy yet?! D; I woke up at 3pm today, (technically yday but whtev) expecting mom to say " OI! It's almost 10.30, get up & get ready fr church, quick! " , not "OI! You're still sleeping?! Do yknw wht time it is?! It's almost 3!! " and I jumped outve bed almost instantly. I guess tht's wht happens when you've got yr period and you were on the phone 'til 3ish the night before. Speaking of period, mine came early this month & mom's been nagging at me for "not studying" when honestly, I have. So when I told her abt my period being early, she goes "Oh, probably you're under stress ...... " and her voice trails off, and she pretends to be suddenly busy with something cause I think she realized tht I am sortve under stress. But ahh, I'm not gonna let it get to me.

But I can honestly tell you, the drama hasn't subsided; If you're reading this, I really don't know what else there is to say to you. I do admit, I was wrong to commit to you in the first place and for tht, I am sorry. But for everything else, with you calling me a bitch & a liar on yr wall, I've decided not give a fuck anymore. I mean. Why bother? Like you wrote, "Wasted Time". Well, I wasted my time calling you, crying to you, and telling you that I didn't want to fight anymore. *sigh. Whtvr it is, sayonara baby. I'm officially done with you.

Some people may wonder, how is it that even tho aft going thru so many rough break ups, that I can still get back up on my feet & fall in love again. It's not easy really. Sometimes I don't even knw how I get thru it because I keep a lot of things inside and I let it fester in me, like a disease. Ever wonder why I'm always so angry or emo or tht I'm always out gallivanting? Mhmm, I think you knw why now. I find every reason to let go of myself & have a good time so tht I don't have to deal with my problems and most of the time, it goes away. Which is good in a way, but not right now, it isn't. SPM DOWH. Someone smack me in the back of the head, pls?

God, it's already 4am! No shit. Okay. I should atleast try to sleep.. like. nao. pfft. Blog again soon. Taaa, xx

The Smell Of Midnight Air Is Jst Like Gasoline; Addictive.

2010-09-09T03:07:00.002+08:00

Am the last one awake tonight. And lucky me, the only sounds I hear are coming frm my speakers. (: Had a long day today. Three hours of physics to start off the day -> lunch at Kelana Jaya ss3 with Joel -> bck home -> out again for 100yen ice cream with Sherwin & Nick -> Kota Kemuning to pick Sheryl & her friend, Jala up -> bck to the neighbourhood, Jasima -> bck home.

Yes, don't worry. I studied aft dinner to make up for lost time when I couldve gone out to catch the premiere of Resident Evil 4 for free hokayy. (: Catching up with Joel over soya bean, cincau and chicken rice this afternoon was good. Talked about ALOT. Friends of friends, drama, family & shit. Joel's like one of the few friends I can really get along with because we look out fr each other, throw insults and scold each other when necessary. It's good because he's like the brother I nvr had & if he knws I'm not doing too good, he'll ring me up or text me during the most random times to check if there's anything/anyone bothering me & I'm thankful because there aren't many people who gimme' tht kindve treatment. Hence, I hope you're happy with the kai fan you've been asking fr, fr months kor. (:

100Yen was yummm, as per usual. I love their green tea with a side of red beans. :D Not to mention, it doesn't feel fattening. Hehh. And omgosh, the car ride was too amusing!

Sheryl Sherwin Nick Me
[conversation one]

deb, crabs have how many legs?
8, right? *looks at sheryl*
*nods* yeah, 8.
Including the claws?
Yeah, including the claws, then it's 8.
HUH?! Nooo! Including the claws, it's 10!
See, i told you! 8!
10!
Okay, wanna bet? Tonight, we'll go take & see.
No! I bet you'll pick the abnormal one with 6 legs only!
HAHAHHAHA!
No! I won't! I'll close my eyes & take.
Okay, fine.
So you bet 8 legs ah?
Yeah.
Okay. I bet 6.... EH No! 4!
Huh?! Four?!
Yeah four.
Why four?? Dude, isn't tht one side only?
SSSHHH!
Yeah, isn't tht one side only?
Ahh shit, SHERWIN!
What?!
Haha, it's damn obvious already la.
No, if Sherwin didn't say anything, you wouldn't have thought about it lo.
But why four? ._.
Because aft they cook it, they usually break the crab into half, so four legs only.
*cricket sounds*
we burst out laughing after tht cause nick's attempt of being funny was an epic phail. haha.

[conversation 2]
So Jala, do you like calamari?
Calamari..? What's that?
It's sotong.
Ohh, haha, yeaaah.
haha, yknw last time, i couldn't differentiate between calamari and sotong.
but they're the same thing.
yeah, i knw, but why can't they jst call it sotong?
that's the malay word.
fine, then why can't they just call it squid?
because squid and calamari are two different things. huh?! aren't they the same? isn't calamari like, friend squid?
hahahah!
no!!
EH! oh shit! fried squid is
fried calamari!! rigggght
*everyone laughs*

My gosh, totally bimbotic man. But I had a productive day. hehehe. Did I say I miss the girls? Well, fyi, I miss the girls. ): hopefully I'll be seeing KarKei, Rach, Kinks, Nikki & the others tmrw. No tuition tmrw night so I'll come home to study after I spend quality time with the girls. :D Gonna hit the sack. I promised myself no more late nights already but bad habits are often too hard to change. Today will be a start. (: till next time, xx

///

Once upon a time, we were both all we ever needed. And even as a friend, I never wanted to lose you. But when you tell everybody that you want me to suffer for choosing the path of giving up on us.. lemme' tell you one thing boy, i lacked the faith of being together not because you're different from I am, but because of my parents. You may be important to me, but nothing is more important to me than what my family has to say. And for you having said what you said on your blog.. well pardon me but were you threathening me to choose between you & my family? It's crystal clear that the way you've put everything into words, of how you wanted me to suffer without you & tht you were doing alright w/t a person like me in yr life anymore, I did. I suffered.. because you shut me out from yr life in a heartbeat, without looking back. But when you wanted the worst of things to happen to me, I'm sorry but I see no point of hanging on onto someone who thought I was just making up excuses to get rid of you. I wanted to make everything alright again, and I thought aft we talked things out, it worked. Wasn't I wrong. Idk whether to be angry, furious or hurt but I can tell you, I feel a bit of everything. Take care now, because I've lost all will trying to salvage what was left of our friendship. All the best to you. Goodbye.

25 Little Known Facts.

2010-09-06T04:45:00.002+08:00

I saw this tag on facebook and I couldn't help myself since I can't seem to drift off to sleep. Lets jst hope I actually know myself well enough to come up with 25 random facts. it can either be facts, habits, or goals. enjoy. (;

I hv the slightest case of OCD. I can't stand seeing things tht's outve order or tht doesn't look right.
Even so, my room always looks like a tornado hit it.
I can't stand being alone. The only time when I can, is when I've to study.
I can be a bitch if I really wanted to.
A rebel at heart but I've always have a soft spot for my folks. ♥
I like hearts in when they're like ♥, not <>
I hate boys who think they can do absolutely ANYTHING with me and get away with it.
I don't cry when I watch sentimental things, but I can cry for days about my life.
I get along better with the opposite sex. Still have no idea why.
I think it's because I'm partially, PARTIALLY a tomboy.
My burp is killaaaaaa'.
I love listening to jazzy tunes on rainy evenings. It's sortve comforting.
My fav music genre has the tendency to change almost all the time but am an allrounder nonetheless.
I live in the past way too often.
The longest period tht I've been single since I've been in highsch is, one year. D:
I've always ALWAYS wanted to take up the drums, cause I'm a freak to the beats. (;
Biggest regret of my life, was nvr taking up the chance to do gymnastics when I was young.
I love doing outdoor activities.
Sometimes, I'm afraid of the dark but since I was young, I've been sleeping with my bathroom light on. ):
I hardly ever sleep with the aircond on, because the ceiling fan's good enough fr me & no matter how hot it is, I'm always under the covers. (:
I enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles & sudoku.
I quite enjoy the company of old people, like aunties & uncles, because I love listening to their lifetime experiences abt anything & everything.
I'm not used to wearing heels. Walking in them isn't much of a problem but when you've been in them for hours on end, ouchies..
I've nvr fancied wedged heels, I think they're kinda ugly, no offence. And I think it makes short people, look even shorter.. *shrugs
Lastly, according to Wai Yih, I can get along with people fairly well. JOY! :D I always like making new friends. (:

///

It's 15mins to 5am and I'm still talking to Wai Yih & Yangkin online and I just said gnight to Keith whom I had quite an interesting conversation with about mass comm. (Y) Gosh. I'm gonna be half dead in Physics intensive later man. 3 whole hours & I start at 10am! I must be mad. Shall call it a night. taaa, xx

My Head's Constantly In The Clouds, Dreaming In Vivid.

2010-09-04T11:04:00.001+08:00

Just finished doing my evening exercise. Joy! It's been my third day & things are going well. (; stomach seems to have gone down abit since I've been having only two meals a day despite my gastric problem. Don't get me wrong but I live in the past a tad too often; I'd always catch myself looking at old photos when I used to be in better shape but with the amount of weight I've put on this year, its really disappointing. ): Don't get me wrong, it's not about being vain or anything of tht sort, I just want to feel healthy again and I can tell you alright, I feel the burnnnn & it feels good. (;

Daddy's been gone for 5 days already.. So am looking forward to spending time with him tmrw. Mom says he should be bck by the time I get up. (: Been trying to forbid myself frm going out to study at home and so far, this week I only went out on Merdeka's eve. Stayed home every other day eventho nick asked me out fr ice cream & joel fr kai fan. Hahaha, well, I owe Joel bigtime fr always bailing on him so, chicken rice soon la aights! (; Just gotta' wait fr the car.

OH! Speaking of which, dad let me drive the other day. Mom totally freaked out cause my P's still in the midst of processing so last Saturday.. or Sunday(i can't rmb but whtevs), when we were on our way out, dad told me to drive.

Dad Mom Me

*walks to the car & climbs into the backseat*
Girl, I take you on the road today, okay?
Huh? o.O
Come la, I'll let you drive.
HUH?! She hasn't got her P yet & you want her to drive?!
Haiyaaa, nevermind lah. Let her drive. Come on, hurry up.
._. are you serious?
Yeah. Why not?
OI.
Uh, okaaaay.

Was expecting him to burst out into laughter any minute there but he looked dead serious after awhile. Hahaa. Mom was being so jumpy in the backseat of the car cause she kept thinking I'd just drive into something. But can't blame her for underestimating me tho cause I'm slightly smaller sized than her & she can't handle tht car cause she says it's too big fr her but dad nvr lost his faith in me (: He could even tell mom tht my driving's better than hers when he told her tht he had already insured my name under the volvo when he went to renew his roadtax and mom went "WHAAAAT?! She's smaller than me and if I can't even handle yr car, how do you expect yr daughter to?!" and dad replied "She's better than you. hahah".

///

Everything you just read was supposed to be posted last night.. I didn't run the post cause mom got home looking panic striken and I wanted to accompany her to the police station. I won't say wht happen here cause it's more than too public here & she has yet to tell some people wht happen so info on wht happen will not be diclosed 'til further notice. But I can tell you alright, I was in shock when she told me wht happened. :/

No matter how much I can loathe my mom sometimes when she does things just to hurt me, like Kinks' would always say, "She's still yr mom no matter wht"... and she is, and to be honest, I wouldn't know I'd do if I lost her *TOUCHWOOD*.. God is great & he was looking out for her last night because she came outve whtvr situation she was in, without a single scratch. And golly, she's real lucky and am I ever thankful. ♥ AMEN.

With that aside, since dad wasn't home, I had no choice but to drive the Kia outve the hse so tht mom could park inside. Majormajor achievement man. haha. Sorry lahh, you can't not expect me to be totally psyched abt driving. It's still something new. (: I rmb when I was younger, sis would always bug my folks abt taking up driving classes, and I used to question why she was always so excited abt it.. Few years down the road & look who's been the one bugging my parents now. (; Being the girl tht I am, I've always loved the feeling of being independant. From changing my own lightbulbs to travelling alone to Auz in Aug '09 to see jiejie, I've enjoyed every single thing abt it. And this relates since I'd be able to drive myself around now. (Y)

Hmm, it's the start of our two week break but ughh, it's not gonna be fun in the sun this time since trials are starting on the 27th.. Gonna try refraining frm going out so much & occupying my time more with my books. I still get the feeling it's not gonna be easy jst staying at home 24/7 apart from tuition but only time will tell wht these coming days have in store for me. Been driving Mayy up the wall with my everyday whines about a certain someone too. Haha, but I love her still cause she bothers to listen... either tht or she's jst stuck with me & HAS no choice but to listen. :D haha. Tht's wht friends are for, no?

iloveyou, mayy!

It's early on a Saturday morning, and I'm sitting here in my boxers and oversized Tshirt, being an absolute bum. So i'll head off now to jiggle some fat. Update again soon! much love, xx

Sometimes We need to forget what we want to remember what we deserve.

2010-08-28T04:32:00.006+08:00

*PHEW* Today sureeeee has been something; Have been awake since 6.13am and now it's past 2.30 in the morning! Couldn't help but wake up instantaneously when my alarm rang as I was already feeling anxious in my sleep! You see, Mayy, Alice, Nichelle & I went for our JPJ test today & what, with our pre-test having been just last Monday, filled with dying engines, poles toppling over & not being too ready for the real deal, we could feel all our nerves tensing up. And watching the people before us getting through the test, poles still toppling over every now & again and watching the JPJ officers telling some ppl to get outve the car, we felt even MORE tensed. I knw i did. But I was praying so hard for all of us & we managed alright. Not to mention, all four of us have officially gotten each, our P license, with NO bribing whtsoever! It's exactly why we're still like, in a state of disbelief. haha. But I couldn't have imagined taking my test without these girls. (': Yumcha soon, right?! :D hahaha, loveeee!

may and i. (:

aliceeee(26), mayy(27), & moi(25)

nichelleee!

ANYWAY, we were done by 1pm but was stranded in Kajang/Semenyih for more than an hour & we pakat with the other girls to keep calling the office bck in DU to ask them to hurry up but we still ended up only leaving around 3pm. Dickson picked Mayy & I up frm DU aft we got bck frm Kajang, and they dropped me off at Ikano to meet my mom & aunt. Aunt said i lost abit of weight, which was weird but after not having anything to eat except bread (thanks to Alice! :D), I couldn't blame her but I was starving! We walked around fr abit, sent my aunt home & mom took me to +wondermilk! (:

Was mom's first time there, so she wasn't expecting such small cupcakes to be over RM4. Thankfully, she didn't grumble so we had a pretty good meal. :D Was home by 6ish & daddums was already bck frm the airport so when I literally squealed "I PASSED MY TEST" at him, he threw his arms around me & said "Awww! That's so good! I was so worried. Was actually half expecting you to fail!". Hahaha. damn bad lo, my dad. (': but it felt so good to actually hear him so excited & happy fr me, cause I rarely get tht frm him since he's a tough man with high expectations. But, I could tell he sincerely meant it so, loveeeee! Haha.

Daddums was in the mood to go out fr dinner, so I showered, got dressed & headed to Tropicanna City Mall cause dad missed having his Esquire Kitchen food. Mom & I were still so full so we only had steamed buns. Straight after tht, parents had dropped me off at Kinks' fr tuition. I honestly love class at her house on Friday nights, Mr. Vijay's totally hilarious & we always have this sexism thing going on in class. So every week, it'd be him, telling us how bad women are against us, 6 girls throwin remarks right back at him & we'd always get a good laugh outve it. (: After class, Nick picked me up, in his freakingassnoisy kembara, which you can actually hear frm MORE than a mile away & we went to Rasta to meet up with Mayy, Dickson & his friends. Bumped into Lian & Luen and was supposedly to meet Justin Chua there but he'd left jst as I got there soo, yeah. Chilled for about an hour plus and was home by 11.40ish since I told mom I wasn't gonna stay out tht long.

awwww. (: dickson & mayy. haha.

Jin Way.

and Andrew.

Tht's pretty much it, doesn't seem like much but god, has it been a day. Still have all this energy left in me & I can't seem to fall asleep jst yet, so i'll post up photos frm whenever and wherever.

///

Despite recent events that have had me feeling down in the dumps, I've been trying to keep myself busy, with tuition, studies, yumcha, driving classes & etc. Everyday's more hectic now compared to beginning of the year. Though I'm relieved to say I've settled some things already. so, yay me. :D now, fr kodaks. (:

caught up with Jash just before he went bck to Melb with Sherwin & Nick. (:
*credits to nick fr the photo

ttdi's prom oleole futsal tournie (;
*photo credits to rachael

Lunch at Itallianies. (:

Joel & Wai Yih who came all the way jst to hang with us. (:

Kar Kei & Nikki, mah' sexy granny (;

creme brulee, frm Fitou's, Desa Park City. :D

And one day, aft Sherwin's rehersal. (:

got tons more of photos actually, most of which is still in nick's camera, still unloaded. So will update again sometime soon. (;

The absence of a flaw in beauty, is a flaw itself.

2010-08-24T19:48:00.002+08:00

Not on a Rage Today. (:

2010-08-17T17:06:00.002+08:00

//

August has started looking up;

♥I started talking to two people who at the beginning of the year, was at the top of my "to loathe" list but have come to terms to let go of the past.

♥Arif and I are talking again, and I missed having simple and civilized conversations with him.

♥I've started studying, still slow at pace but trying to catch up and buck up.

♥My driving's almost over and done with. If all goes well, will be taking my JPJ test on the 27th.

♥I've made some awfully great buddies lately.

♥My prom date still holds a question mark but I'm hoping somehow or rather, things will come together if I jst leave it be.

♥The babes&boys hv got all our plans aft SPM all lined up, jst waiting for us to savour every bit of it, from prom, maybe one or two, langkawi trip etc.

♥I'm hoping to start gyming soon since Nick gave me two free 14 day passes. JOY!

♥I'm starting to save up on cash, which I am quite proud of.

♥Was also talking to daddy yday and he was talking abt taking degrees in the US, and the old times when he was there studying. He seemed pretty keen on the idea so am crossing my fingers he'll let me do ADP next year. but whtvr it is, I'm still gonna study to try helping my parents out, financially I mean, maybe with a scholarship. (:

♥Been paying more attention to my two best bitches at home, which I've come to see, that even though I haven't been spending time with them as much as I used to, they still wag their tails when i come home frm sch everyday and sleep next to me, when I'm dead knocked out on the couch and I'd wake up to see them there, sleeping like pigs too. haha. :D

///

For once, I don't want to look at things from a bad prospective, but frm the good. I want to be happy and I've realized the only way I can be, is to ignore everything else that isn't good fr my well being. I've somehow picked up on my swearing habits again but only because of all the frustration and stress that's been festering up inside of me, like madcowdisease or smth. I won't let the worst of times get the better of me cause I knw, no matter what, everything will be okay, eventually. It jst might take awhile. (:

Read the Fine Print.

2010-08-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

It took everything for me not to say a word but tonight was the last straw. I will not tolerate such behaviour after you just said "I don't want to talk to you, okay?" and then hang up on me and text me back later about your watch without any sense of remorse. You want you watch back, no problem with me. You can come and get it yourself. If you want to treat me this way, go ahead. I know I broke your heart, but I'm not your dog that abide's when you go "Fetch!".

You go around posting things on twitter and facebook, saying you're a loser. What for? People aren't gonna empathize, but only sympathize. Then you write on your blog, saying that what you gave me was never enough. Bull. Shit. I never said one word about you not being good enough for me or anything close to that. Instead, what did I tell you? Yknw just exactly what I told you and why I can't be with you now. So who the heck is poisoning, putting thoughts and illusions in yr mind?! Did I ever tell you tht I don't love you? No. Did I ever complain about the way you treated me? Even when there were times my blood would boil, I'd chose not to say anything because I nvr liked telling you, you hurt me. Instead, I'd thank God tht you nvr hurt me like every other boy i had in my life, did.

Yesterday night, I yelled at you over the phone because you're not making this any easier for me too. It hurts, but you need to learn to accept it. Don't even think about telling me that I wouldn't know how it feels like to be in yr shoes because I do. I so fucking do and I've been through this more times than you have. It's just tht now, I'm way better at handling heartbreak compared to before but still, it's hard, not any easier for me compared to you.

You haven't been held down to the ground, or been told you were loved & then not long after that person left you without a single trace, or been in another country & was told tht the person didn't want to be with you anymore & only to find out when you're back that your good friend was after tht one person you still hadn't gotten over, or been with a person twice & got dumped the second time because tht person jst wanted to do it for fucks, just to hurt you. Yeah, I've been to hell and back more than I can even remember.. Times that only I can remember & am sometimes haunted by.. Stuff that no one can even begin to comprehend how scarred I am by everything.

If I can get through hell, come back, and dare to love again, I know you can too; What's the use of having someone like me? When in your head, all i'm doing now is tearing your heart & soul apart, with such burning passion, piece by piece, bone by bone, limb by limb. You think seeing how emotionally messed up you are now's a pretty sight? It's the least entertaining. Maybe you don't knw but I'd do whatever it takes to see you smile again & be tht optimistic person you always were except be your girlfriend again.. but only because of my personal issues. We're both at the brink of turning legal now & we've got such a long way ahead of us both, so if we were meant to be, maybe it's just not right now. You're old enough and you need to learn how to look at this in a mature way and learn from it. You don't need me to keep explaining to you, like a broken record stuck on replay why I just can't be with you because the answer's not gonna change and it'll just gonna screw you updownleft&right one more time than the last.

There. You wanted to know why I called you just now, didn't you? Here's why. And fyi, you're not just a footnote in my story. If I lost all my feelings for you, trust me, I know I wouldn't even try talking sense to you because this whole post would be a total waste of my time. I don't want us to be at loggerheads anymore because all we're going to do is point fingers. I just hope, you're happy with whtvr decision you make with our friendship. xx

Close Your Eyes & I'll Sing You A Lullaby. *edit

2010-08-05T18:59:00.005+08:00

I've always wondered how I portray myself, wht kindve impression I let out. Even without a single care in the world abt what people have to say about me, I still want to go on.. living the life I wanna live because I deserve every single right to be happy just as much as any other girl should be. One thing's for sure, I nvr toy with anyone's feelings. No matter how short of a period I've had something going on with one boy, I can tell you straight up.. my feeling's are always genuine. Why do you think I've been involved with so much heartbreak, so much pain. I may not have it as bad compared to the girls in rumours & stories I've heard, but heck, I've become the girl I am today because of all that I've been through. Although I hate that sick feeling of loneliness that haunts me every now and again.. I'll let it be, just this once.

*editted @ 10.56pm

All I want right now, is some peace of mind. Why can't everybody just let me do what I want? I'm so offended at how people think I don't give a fuck about Arif when I've been trying to hold back all my fucking tears & still put a damn smile on my face infrontve a crowd. It's not all about love because I need to start thinking with my head more than my heart now because this, is, serious. And this includes my family & MY own future. I'm sick and tired of trying to satisfy everyone & sayin' yes to every single damn thing & once and for all, I'm putting my foot down; Stop trying to butt in and tell me tht I shouldn't care or think about the future just yet then tell me yknw how it feels like when you're not even in my shoes and have all these god darn thoughts racking through yr brain, and mindfucking you simultaneously. So unless you've got an ear to lend or a shoulder fr me to cry on, just don't tell me what to do. Just don't.

If I believe tht You&Me, could ever be more than just what's been behind us.

2010-07-28T21:48:00.001+08:00

this will just be a kodak update. (;

Of course the top've the list would have to be, I.U. Day '10! Wootz.
massive chunks of love fr this event. (;

BOD 09/10;
loveyougirls&sanjubigtime!

other than that, there's school too. (;

and "Crazy" May's 17th. ze' bestfriend. ♥

credits to grace (:

KarKei's place and screaming aloud, getting scared shitless of ghosts & ghouls. ♥

Auditions/+wondermilk (:

zharif! (Y)

Neon Nation/Amy's 17th!

credits to rach (:

Taylor's Trip.

Claypot yeeeeeemeeeee clan. ;D

Interact Annual Dinner. (:

♥

And kink's no cock night. :P aka her 17th surprise HEH.

credits to nadia. (:

Photoshoot. (;

credits to catherhea♥

+++++

trust me, I've been bz. Even apart from all those photos, there're mamak/yum cha sessions too. OH. and DESPICABLE ME! Haha. After people watched the movie, people started calling me Agnes.. cause they say I act jst like her. (: Well, I have to admit, I can be that way at times. :B Well, I've got probably a month left till trials. *shivers. it's time to put things on a hold, stop partying and bring on the books. who'd like to go totally neeeeeeeerd with me? You game? (;

Ngo oi kong ye.

2010-07-27T19:33:00.003+08:00

which means "i want to say something" in cantonese. You must think where this will lead to but you'll know in a minute. I bet most of you have already read what I've written on my profile once before and the first thing I wrote on tht thing was about being me a banana. Why? I can't speak any other language in chinese, except cantonese, and even so, my slang & words don't seem to sound cantonese enough to anyone I've ever spoken cantonese to. Call me a sore loser but haha, this is the outcome of being brought up in a family who reads a lot & talks english most of the time. Even the neighbourhood gas man that stopped by awhile ago to take to the empty tank away said I sound like I don't speak chinese very much. To state the obvious, I don't. I've never felt coonfident enough to talk in my mothertongue but aunties and uncles like to nag because they say it's not good if i don't learn cause sooner or later I would have to learn how to speak but...ngeh. Who knows. (:

This was pretty random but I just thought I'd rant. (: *sigh haven't been doing too good but I've jst chose to deal with things the way the are. There's nothing I can do to change anything. I just have to be strong, or better yet, stronger.

Are You Okay?

2010-07-18T20:43:00.002+08:00

Period pain, gastric, heartburn&hiccups, a driving instructor who constantly emo's with me, a project on the rush, a close friend who told me off and said i give the lamest and most common excuse, a certain someone who indirectly called me stupid in frontve a crowd of people and caused me public humiliation, and a mom who picked to watch a movie and shushed me instead of listening to my day... yeah, sure i'm alright.

I'm tired of plastering a smile on my face but if it beats everyone from asking me what's wrong, without me knowing what the exact answer should be, then I should stick to it anyway.

I don't feel like myself anymore.. I feel like.. everything's changed. And this time, I really don't know how to fix things..

Amidst My Absence,

2010-07-14T17:44:00.002+08:00

I need my breathers too.

That's What You Get When You Let You Heart Win.

2010-06-26T01:41:00.003+08:00

Maybe I've always felt underappreciated. Just like any other human being, I'm insecure in my own life. For a fact that I'm so easily ridiculed and put down, I feel like I'm of no worth. Basically, my life has always evolved around emotional heartbreak. From my personal prospective, I've never not been in a situation where someone has ever had an issue with me. Take my family for example.. I'm nvr good enough & sometimes, I don't even think I'm accepted as the individual I've morphed into to this day. Friendships have their ups & downs but there's always a feeling of belittlement, avoidance & alienation. Past relationships have been a rollercoaster for me but having to keep at things to satisfy everyone else.. I've forgot how to take care of my heart.

Then again, it could be just me, my mind playing mindtricks on me, exaggerating that life was never always on my side. But once in awhile, it's good to know I still have buddies who make the effort to make sure I stay happy.

You There. Yeah You, Boy.

2010-06-21T17:27:00.002+08:00

I don't care if anyone thinks I'm a bitch for doing this but you've gone too far and you've messed with the wrong girl. I'm the type of girl who MUST say what's on my mind, and daaaamn boy, have I got something to say; Thachana, you're a child in a 17 y/o's body. Will you just get a life & grow the fuck up?

I'm gonna be honest, yr performances so far haven't been amazing, or spectacular for a fact. I think the other dancers on your crew did way better than you did. And that's why, for the umpteenth time, I'm telling you again. If you don't audition, then you are NOT performing for I.U. Day this year. Fine, if you'd rather send in a video, then go ahead.. but if you're not even gonna let us see how "great" you think you are, then don't hope to be in the spotlight. But stop asking us if we WANT you to perform or not because there were other people who actually made the effort to come just for auditions despite that they had to pay & the place. Hence, just because you think you're one helluva' "great", it doesn't mean we're on the same page.

And please la. Don't go around on facebook giving lousy remarks & comments on our photos about how we prefects "ponteng kelas" when we're actually on break when you weren't even there when the photo was taken. Then as for our basketball group photo with the hartamas girls? Since when did we ever have to take photos only if we won? Is there some sort of unwritten rule about taking photos that I should know abt? Because I for one, would certainly like to know. And so what if we lost? If you'd like to sponsor us a basketball coach, then by all means, go ahead because if you think it's just so easy to get placing in those kinda of competitions, then why don't YOU go put on a sports bra & we'll let you do all the hard work. How 'bout tht for a change, hmm?

Update. Get Your Updates! (;

2010-06-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

Arif's Birthday Dinner -> Nikki's & Marc's Surprise @ Kavee's; 24th of April.

Ash Li, Li May & I. (:

Arif, blindfolded next to his bestfriend, Yudish. (:
credits to Ash Li for this & the bottom photo. (Y)

haha, I jst realized how short he cut his hair then, now. xD

I have to thank Ash Li and her mom for giving Li May & I a ride to Solaris Dutamas since we had no idea where it was. Yudish called like when we were on the way there & told us to get there as fast as we could cause Arif was already in his house, waiting for Yudish to get dressed. You see, it was sortve a surprise party. Arif knew about it, he just didn't know where it was & I told him that I wouldn't be able to make it cause I had to celebrate dad's birthday(which was true, only thing was.. it was on the next day :P) & he bought it. Haha. We got there before the whole crowd came then eventually, when Yudish was bringing Arif up the escalator, they sat him down right infrontve me & took of his blindfold & he couldn't say a thing but later on he told me he had a feeling I'd be coming. Haha. Had dinner & then around 10ish, Mayy & I had to leave cause we'd promise Kink's we'd turn up. (:

Called a cab & it didn't take us too long before we got to her place. (: the boys were busy playing futsal then while the girls were jst chilling and not too long after, we moved the party back into the house. We just bummed around until everyone started going home one by one & eventually around 12ish, Firdaus sent me home along with Darren, Nikki, Nasri & someone else that I can't seem to recall while Jo fetched the others home. (:

I CHOPPED OFF MY HAIR! ; 25th of April.

I didn't do it lahh. But I did go to Monsoon ID to get it chopped. (: I liked it then but everyone said they missed my long hair :( I do too actually. :/

Sports Day '10; 29th of April.

Even though waking up at 4.45am just to get dressed to be at school by 5.30am was NOT my thing, I still think this year's sports day was spectacular. With our catch phrase "HEAR US HOWL, HEAR US ROAR; NOW WATCH THE WOLVES, WILL WIN THIS WAR!" and etc along with our gorgeous banner that credits all go to Lian, everything was great. (: Couldn't be more proud of everyone & their hardwork.

The BLUES came in 2nd this year with the GREENS holding the #1 spot but no matter. We Blues have been in the spotlight for a good three years now & I guess we just had to let someone else beat us at it this time.

Rach (;

Kris (;

Rach, Aimi, me & Kris. ♥

Khalyf, our pack leader. Haha. (Y)

The GREENs theme this year were superheroes, hence, The Hulk. (:

Marwan came! :D

Nadia, Mayy & i. (:

Hotshot runners Alaric, Marc & Sanju. (:

Karen Y. ♥

ish -___-'

so not mar, so not. X)

FIRDAUUUUUS!

By the time we were done at the stadium, it was already 2ish, almost 3pm. The busride back to school was quiet since everyone was so tired. Met up with the boys who drove there & back from the stadium then walked with most of them to KFC while Jo drove Ila, Amy & i forgot who else. The boys were being totally arsey with me, bringing up the "boob" prank that Darren played on me 3 years back. Ish. Then Firdaus thought it was fun to tease me but I couldn't give two hoots abt it cause it was old news anyway. Haha. After KFC was Tutti Frutti! :D

'scuse the fat. (:
credits to Marwan for the above & below photo. (:

Yes, I wanted to strangle the ceebs for playing the darn prank on me -__-'

TUTTI FRUTTI! (Y)

Ended up going home only at 6+. Jo sent me home just before it rained cats & dogs and admitted to myself I was pretty lucky. Thanks Jo!

Hartamas' Carnival -> OU; 8th of May.

Darren C. getting dunked. :P

and Darren SINGH getting dunked too. (Y)

Ash Li, Mayy & I. (:

Met the others a tad bit late at the school cause I was late for my dental appointment before that. In the end, I didn't manage to stay for too long cause mom couldn't fetch me back & I had to get a ride from my friends and since they were there much earlier than I was, they wanted to leave not too long after I arrived so I followed suit. Felt kinda sad I couldn't accompany the boy for too long but he was being such a dear about & told me we'd spend time together again soon. Felt guilty for leaving so early but I did anyway. Asif, Rach, Kinks, Nikki & I followed Jo while Aidit, Marwan, Lian, & Darren hitched a ride from Firdaus and we ended up in OU. Everyone settled for juicy Carls Jr. while I just sat around & stole fries! Haha. I had Macs before going to Hartamas so I didnt want to pack on the pounds by having two fast food meals in ONE day. So yeah. ;P

mad people who had nothing else better to do at a traffic light junction. xD

Firdauuuus.

Kinks doing her thang. (;

Nikki my sexy granny♥ , Darren eating with his mouth open -_-' , & me.

If only there was a smiley made for my face. :D

Aidit on the right there.. why so serious wei ._.

brothers frm other mothers with different colours. :D

love this shot. (:

Accompanied Marwan, Lian, Nikki, Kavee, Darren & Firdaus to Old Town since Marwan wanted his ipoh hor fun until Nikki had to leave & Kavee followed too. So we were fooling around with Darren's cigs when Lian sortve threatens Darren that she'll pour soysauce into his box of fags when she accidentally tips over the bottle of soysauce & his entire box, GONE. Well, except for one lucky fag. haha. Yup. Only one. Damn sad but too bad. He was like crushed but he lived through it (; cmon, it's just a box of fags dude, FAGS. hahaha.

Met up with the restve the boys who were playing foos in OSC. Didn't stay in there for too long cause I decided to walk home with Lian & Asif since I was feeling kinda tired already. Too bad for us, it was cloudy beyond expectation so we got caught in the rain. Lian was lucky enough to reach her condo before it started raining so it was only Asif & I walking in rain. D: More unfortunate for me since I was wearing white too -__-' but Asif was nice enough to walk me all the way home before heading back to his house first. (: haha, such a gentleman. Told him over and over that he should jst go home & that I'll be fine but he kept refusing & said he was always thought to nvr leave any girl alone. Awww. Such good morals lahh, that boy. (: ahahha. Moving on. :P

oh golly. look at the time. I should get going. (: Need to be up early for mass tomorrow. cheers! P.S. Auditions were fun. Thanks to all who could make it ! :D

Screw Me Over,

2010-06-19T01:02:00.007+08:00

Very simply, I jst need to express my distaste toward my maid. I've held it in for a little too long & I need to vent... BAD. or maybe cause I'm just angry but nevertheless, this has bothered me for far too long.

My family has never had any luck with maids for years now. It's annoying real. And with mom being stubborn & hardheaded as a donkey which wouldn't budge no matter how hard you tried to get it to move, we're stuck with a 3time reject whom dad & I tried persuading mom to change during the trial period but noooo, she wouldn't listen. Wht I cannot stand? Gosh, where do I start.

1) when you tell her & raise yr voice at her(not tht I've done it, but parents do it all the time) when she's done something wrong, she just smiles & thinks everything's a JOKE. Like it's even funny to begin with & idk whether it's because we have trouble communicating with her since her grasp on english is disappointing(which she doesn't even bother brushing up on but it IS her job since she's in a foreign country to WORK), no doubt or she just enjoys seeing us get angry because it's screwing us over when she nvr does things right.

2) she's as lazy as sloth. she never sets her alarm so on school days, sometimes I have to wake her up & she doesn't even have the slightest sense of remorse which bugs me like no tomorrow. again, she jst smiles whenever I ask her why she always FAILS to wake me up in time for me to get to school when I'm supposed to since I'm a prefect -__-' UGH. so I've been on holiday for the past 2 weeks & last week when I woke up around 10ish, mom was already outve the house & I was heading down for breakfast when I saw her sleeping on the couch when she's supposed to be doing house work. HOW LAHHH?! I'm not even gonna start talking abt how her work is done always halfheartedly. Ugh. sickeeeeening.

3) how she uses my things without even ASKING. for example, I leave hairpins around in my room or my hairbrush, she'll just take them & use them then she doesn't even give 'em back. can tell me how not to be annoyed or not? and just for the record, I don't share things so whatever she uses, I don't use anymore cause it's not hygenic. yuck.

4) how she eats whatever she likes & only leaves the last of it(whatever it is) for the rest of us. from biscuits, ice cream, you name it. and mother. she even dare lay her greedy fingers on MY biscuits that Arif bought & delivered to my doorstep just to apologize for something and to keep a promise, specially for me. and she ate them! mother, just writing this, ahhh.. i could just.. nvm.

5) she can't lie properly but it does get on my nerves alot tht she denies everything even though we know the truth.. for example, smoking. will not elab on tht so whatev.

Those are jst the few things I can think of right now but she's got lots of other bad habbits too but I think if I continue on, there'll be a blood bath in the morning. (: kidding kidding. but i will scream at her I swear.. I'm just waiting to see how long more I can hold it all in. ugh. but the biscuit thing was TOO MUCH. TOO. MUCH. god. it was my favourite biscuits ): the small oval shaped ones with a dollop of pink/yellow/green/white icing ontop. grrrr. beetch.

That aside, I bet you guys are probably like whatthefark-ing at the mo cause I'm ranting about my maid when I havent even been keeping you lovers posted recently. apologies with no excuses this time. I've been on break for almost 2 weeks now & I've been pretty much bumming around at home, with the boy coming round to see me from time to time. ♥ (:

Sighh. So where do I begin? Goshes. In the span of a month, just ONE month, sooo many things happened, good & bad. The last thing I blogged abt was probably prep fr basketball competition so I'll try to recall just as much as my brain permits me to. (: but do pardon me if I cut this post short outve the blue because today was an addfreakingmath marathon. 9.30am-1pm was intensive form4 class while 3pm-5pm was my usual class. god. my mind's had enough of numbers. Fingers crossed it hasn't had enough of letters&words just yet (;

Confirmation! Class of '10; 17th April.

Elizabeth Leah Oh. (:

Danielle Micaela Y. (:

Kristin Alexis Phang, Catherine Tee Kim Lian, & Ronald Michael Lim. (:

Half candid;
Shanadel, Leah, Valerie[moi], Micaela & Nora. (:

And the restve the class with Aunty Deborah! :D

The ceremony just took my breath away (': everyone looked so nice, the girls all dressed in white from head to toe while the boys had on red ties & black slacks. Even if my dress didn't fit me so well and I was soooo dark(due to hours&hours of nonstop basketball training for tournament out in the scorching hot sun), I was so proud of my class & I, having been confirmed as catholics together. (: And I couldn't have wished for a better teacher as Aunty Deborah, who guided us kids through it all and treated each and every one of us as her own. Haha, photo taking session was just.. *FLASHFLASHFLASH. gosh. Bright lights & smiles all plastered on our faces. Haha. Good times. (: but seeing these photos again makes me miss everyone even more than I already do. ):

this photo that Alvin took of Ron & I during camp made me miss camp too. ): it was that point of time where I found refuge and was so moved by my faith. It was times like this when I wished I could go through every emotion that I had been through, there & then.

Went out for dinner that night with my uncle & aunt who were down frm Hong Kong. Mmm, had great chinese food in BSC. (: *thumbs up.

Can't remember what the name of the shop

was called though. Sent my uncle & aunt back to their
hotel in KL when I took this photo. (:

KL's splendour. (; It does look like a wonder at night, doesn't it.
*PLEASE DO NOT STEAL. if stolen, please credit.... or else.

OU with the hartamas boys, Mayy & the twins; 18th April.

First date with the boy. (: We were no where close to being official but we could tell we liked each other. Haha. I can't put into words how disappointed I felt when an hour before the thing, Li May told me he couldn't make it & he twittered me saying his fever came back & my heart literally dropped. But then Li May called up (or did i call her??) and we were talking when she wanted to tell me something but held back. I jst knew, tht something was up & it was weird tht he wasn't replying my twitter. No matter. I didn't keep my hopes up but I had a feeling he'd turn up. (:

Mayy picked me up & we headed over to OU where the boys were still missing in action except for Nadhil who so we lined up for movie tix first (: the line was brutally long & Keefe showed up a little later with Arif, following him frm behind. I shot a look at Mayy because I knew they were both in on the act together. Grrrr. That's my bestfriend & my boyfriend for you. Ish. Well, he wasn't my boyfriend then but I'll get to that later. :P Instead of buying tix for Kick-Ass because they were all sold out, we bought tix fr When in Rome instead. After we got outve the line, the twins called & said they'd be coming. So this time, Mayy & the other two boys lined up again but this time, she purposely bought two tickets for the row infront of the initial tix we bought & told me straight in the face that "I don't care. You & Arif are gonna sit there." .. omaigod. I was somehow... terrified cause Arif's been the only boy who's ever made me feel shy. Made me feel like a kid again though. haha. :P

Surprisingly, I didn't talk much that day. Movie was okay but I forgot what we did before the movie but aft the movie, we hung around & went to Burger King to eat/chill. Otw, some perv touched my hand on purpose & I couldn't help but give the guy & his gang a cockstare that was probably sooo bad that when they noticed, they stopped laughing, & walked away quicker than usual when they reached the bottom of the escalator. I cannot put into words how much hatred & anger was running thru my veins during those few minutes but i hate boys who think they can do anything & get away with it, especially getting their grubby hands on me. It doesn't matter if it's just my hand, my shoulder or wherever. If you're a pervert and think you can do just about anything with me, you'd better watch it. (:

Was a abit more upset abt it than I had expected so I kinda emo-ed till throughout the restve the day until I got home. But I have to thank Keefe for sending me home though. (: no photos this time. haha. NEXT!~

Basketball Tourny '10; 20&21st of April.

Marc, Nikki & Kinks. (:

Belindaaaa (:

r-l: Gloria, Mayy, Ash Li, Brenda & I. (:
credits frm Ash Li's camera (:

the ttdi & hartamas girls! (: ♥

during the seri saujana vs. ttdi match.

GOOD STUFF! (Y)

will not elab too much on this but our games were all in the afternoon, in the hot burning unmercyful(if tht's even a word) sun. -__-' we'd get there by 12.30pm & cheer for the bukit bandaraya & hartamas girls :D we were up against sri sentosa girls on the first day but we played up our game much better than previous years so I'm pretty proud of the girls. (:

Second day, we didn't have much luck. The old ref who probably sided the seri saujana girls since they speak chinese was being a total bitch. And to think we were being so polite to him on the first day. Was fucking rude to Belle also when he blew the whistle to call free throw or either time & she was asking him nicely what was going on & he just shouted "FREE THROW LAH!" or "TIME OUT LAH!" at her. Then when them Saujana girls weren't even playing basketball(for crying out loud!) & godknows who's rules they were playing according to but our whole team knew it wasn't even a good game. When we called for fouls also, none of the ref's gave face & said they saw anything so when Marc asked them which rules were they playing according to, they couldn't even give a damn answer.

So we wanted our revenge & since the ref's didn't call a foul on them, we played the same way the played with us. Then yknw wht? The ref's realized & called on our fouls. Motherceebs. In the end, I got fouled outve the game cause according to the score sheet, I had reached FIVE fouls when I only had THREE & someone else got fouled out too when she didn't even get five fouls. Can you tell me how is that exactly fair? Well, it's not to even say it is. I wanted to give the ref a piece of my mind when I saw the score sheet but the damn guy can just snatch the paper FROM my hand, fold it into half & look me in the eye & say "Forget it, it's over". My god. If I wasn't brought up with the right morals at home, the first thing I'd do to tht old man was punch his lights out in a heartbeat. Ugh. makes me so angry. _|_

Our bus driver was sucha' nice guy & he agreed to drop us off at Devi's instead of school on both days and we had our dose of mamak food & then Tutti Frutti as another source of comfort food. Argh. NEXT~

Breakfast @ Macs, CP with Joel; 23rd of April.

Was really REALLY, impromptu. Forgot why I was home on a weekday but it was like, we were both on facebook & we started chatting & decided to go for breakfast since we didn't catch up in a long long time. Felt good seeing him after so long. Haha. Met a couple of his friends before he sent me back home. (:

Arif's Birthday Dinner -> Nikki's & Marc's Surprise @ Kink's; 24th of April.

..this, i'll continue another day. (;

IT'S LATE. AUDITIONS. TOMORROW.
Hope to see you there! ;D

Right Off The Ground,

2010-06-10T23:02:00.005+08:00

.. he swept me off my feet.

our first month of many, still yet to come i hope;
i love you. (:

Dear John,

2010-06-09T00:54:00.005+08:00

Do you know what it's like to be told over & over again by recording device
- "the person you are calling is not reachable" in 3 different languages for two consecutive hours?

Do you knw why i sent you that text the night before your basketball game?
Because the book I was reading.. someone's husband wasn't picking up his cell or his
hotel room line when he was away for a conference for two days and she missed him..
and I missed you too.

Now I know exactly how it feels.

iwillnotbawlmyeyesout.iwillnotbawlmyeyesout.iwillnotbawlmyeyesout.

Mayy Did My Nails. (:

2010-06-08T14:43:00.002+08:00

“ Looking back on what I said all those years ago, all the hopes and dreams I had, I’ve come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I’m a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life’s disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won’t be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair remember, it’s only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home. ”

Nightmare? More Like A Bad Case Of Reality.

2010-06-07T14:31:00.003+08:00

I have an issue; On a daily basis, when i'm out or doing things on my own(i.e. walking down the street or worse yet, crossing one or maybe watching someone else do something), worst case scenarios tend to play out in mind. All the time, casually and nvr intended. Even the dreams I've had, uber weird. That, I won't go into detail as I wouldn't want to creep you guys out but trust me, nothing good ever comes outve it & it isn't the least bit magical or pretty. I'm lucky though, I've stopped dreaming for awhile now because I hate getting up in the dead of the night where silence plays a tadtoo loud & I can't go back to sleep.

You May Say That I'm A Dreamer. - edit.

2010-05-30T01:37:00.000+08:00

but sometimes I wished I could just runaway and disappear.

+++++

i feel as if i'm the third wheel now.. how i'm so outve touch with
you guys that i don't feel the same when i'm around you guys anymore.
sometimes i don't know how we became bestfriends because you guys
hardly tell me anything. i would ask but i'm afraid of being
rejected.. cause i knw things have changed.
but just so yknw, i'll always be here for you guys no matter what because i care.
hopefully, this means something to you as much as it does to me. i love you guys.

All That Glitters Is Not Gold.

2010-05-25T21:14:00.003+08:00

"It's like this.

You have to have the nicest jeans, or the cutest purse, or say the newest thing so that it catches on. You have to be skinny, you have to buy this, wear this, say that, be on his side, her side, be neutral, have white teeth, have straight teeth, your hair can't be frizzy, and you can't wear that because it just doesn't 'work' anymore. You have to go to parties, be friends with everyone, trust no one, pose like this, smile like that, tilt your head this way, and put your hand on your hip, because that's how it is. And let me just say, fuck all of that. "

When You Stop Looking, They'll Find Their Way To You.

2010-05-11T17:55:00.003+08:00

What I say and how I look does not define who I am. And hello readers, the same goes for you too; Because even some of the most beautiful people in the world, does the ugliest things ever imaginable. There is not one person, on the face of the Earth who is made to handle every punch, every kick, every rock & stick throw their way; Hey, a person may rock, but think again, they're not made outve stone.. as a matter of fact, we're made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble & fall. We aren't supposed to be able to handle everything, but that's what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us the most.

For me.. I owe it to the people who hated me, who disrespected me, who judged me and who put me down because they are the ones who have moulded me into what I am today; Today, I've become somewhat ignorant to all the daily nonsense; so come what gossip a low life soul would share with me, I'd sometimes rather not say anything & just pretend to listen, unless you're bitching about my bestfriend, then i'd give you a black eye. (: because, sincerely, I believe I fight for all the right reasons.

Then again, in life, people come and go. Even so, you learn to know that, the people who stay are the ones who will always be there, through all the bull, the drama, the good or the bad times. They will help you through every step of the way, stand up for you, & best of all, be in tremendous trouble with you. Then, you'd realize, those are the people that you'd truly ever need in yr life, with no shadow of a doubt.

Know me personally or not but I've made mistakes in my life. Mistakes which I can nvr undo. Mistakes that I will always and forever be ashamed of; I've let people take advantage of me, control me, tell me what I can & cannot do(mind you, this excludes my family) & I used to accept way less than I ever deserved. Like they always say, "I was young & stupid". Even though I still AM young & sometimes still stupid, I've learned frm my bad choices & even
though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I know better now & I haven't settled for anything less than I know I deserve.

As the years have gone by, I've learned not to trust a person to an extent that they'd find a way to hurt me in any way possible.. especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. Flings don't count. You'd be surprised but I've only ever trusted 4 boys with my heart; Two of which I turned out completely heartbroken, one who I was with for 8 months & used to make me cry everytime I tried to hang out with him(this was in primary school so he'd get angry when his friends would start teasing & ask me to go away) but still turned out to be one of my bestfriends to this day, and one who i tried my ultimate best to be tolerant with but i never got around to trusting him on his words and I ended up being the one who broke his heart instead.. No, I didn't feel bad about it because he broke my heart with every lie he told me, every yell he yelled at me and how jealous & insecure he'd get when I talked to my guyfriends to a point where I stopped talking to boys just for him but he still went on with life, going out with his gal pals to club & for late night movies because I'd always let him.

See, it was times like those, I taught myself how to be strong because I knew I had to. What is meant to be will end up good and what is not won't. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight FOR you. If they don't, it's best to move on and realize what you gave them was more than what they were willing to give you. One day, hopefully people will realize great things when they come around & catch a hold of it before it's gone. Always fight, until you can't anymore, and then be fought for.

I knew from the start, this was going to be something different because of outve all the boys I've dated, you made me feel shy and I'm NEVER shy. Sure, our first "date" was quite a fail but I felt so bummed out when you told me you were sick & wouldn't be coming but an hour later, showed up & surprised me instead. ♥ not to mention for the countless sweet little things you've done that make my day, everyday. (: *sigh, you really are something, yknw. Be it the loser who wanted to watch the Notebook with me but didn't know who Nicholas Sparks was(i'm still so gobsmacked by this), the bum who's fallen asleep on me countless times already but still calls ME the lazybum, the boy who texts me "good morning, sunshine! :D" every single morning now without fail, or the most cheeeesiest boy I've ever met, you now have all the power to shatter my heart into a million pieces, but I trust you enough to knw that you wouldn't, right? (; HEH. lafff you loseeeer. :B Well, this post is getting a tad too long & with my internet connection still being a pain in my arse, I should give it a rest. (: another update soon yeahs?

Don't Doubt. Not Even For A Second.

2010-05-09T16:16:00.001+08:00

“ Don’t waste your time asking why such an amazing thing could happen to you, just let it happen. Don’t doubt that you could be loved, just let yourself be loved. If you don’t believe you’re worthy of anyone’s time, then you won’t be. Take yourself seriously and others will too. ‘Why’ is such a wasteful question. Why? Because that’s the way it’s supposed to be. That’s the only answer you can have. accept it. ”

believe it, baby.

Who I Am.

2010-05-02T17:45:00.005+08:00

For the first time in a long time, I'm in the mood.
Or rather, I just can't be arsed to do my moral folio
which is due in the upcoming week & I should be paranoid
cause I'm running outve time but I'm not.. dah la I don't
have anyone to drive me out to get my photos
printed after today. Lol. I'm asking for trouble but like I said,
I'm in the mood. I'M IN THE ZONE AND I'VE GOT MY
MOJO. Kay, getting lame. Lol.

No, this isnt going to be an update abt wht I do daily, but this
is just gonna be plain ranting. Speaking of which, I've come to
terms with myself that I can't and don't blog like how I used to.
In the previous years, blogging used to be one of my favourite pass
times, but idk, when blogging started becoming a trend to everyone,
I jst lost interest. Told you I don't like to follow trends. Now it's more
like, the only reason I blog is to keep people updated on what goes on
in my life on a daily basis.. scratch tht, it's not even daily cause I nvr
update tht often. Well you see, I'm the type of person who, when I'm
in the mood, I need to do it, there & then. If I don't, coupleve hours
later or worse yet, the next day, I wouldn't bother. This is proof, tht
I get bored of things faster than I'd like to and/or my attention
span only lasts.. a short period of time.

Changing topic. Cupid's on steriods. Haha. Someone wrote tht on Arif's
wall the other day; Will not wear my heart on my sleeves and elab on
my current love affairs because for once, I'd like to keep things
to myself for a bit but all you hv to knw at the mo, is tht i'm doing well.
What I mean to say is, matter how many times I tell myself I'm so fed
up with all the shit that I have to put up with & that I'm done, one boy
will always be there to grab my attention. But honestly, when you stop
looking for that special someone, they just appear infrontve yr eyes.
Not literally but yknw wht I mean.

To be frank, I've always wondered how someone like me, is judged
by the restve the world. Sometimes, it's not easy being the one who
always gets caught up in all the drama. People gossip & I hated how
people always did abt me. But now, I choose not to care. I'm lucky enough to
have friends who actually stand up for me & remind me every once in
awhile that I should knw my boundaries. Wht's even better is
that I have friends who are blatantly honest with their opinions. Wht I don't like,
is people who tell you that they're happy for you & tht they're always 100% behind
you no matter what decision you make but later on, are too bz trashtalking abt you.
Oh yeah, it happens everyday. But no, I couldn't give two hoots, wasting my saliva
& time away confronting people who have nothing else better to do in their lives,
about what they have to say abt me or wht I do. Nothing is my business unless
what comes out from your mouth, goes directly into my ears. (:

Being the person that I am, don't be surprise if I yell at you because I'm only
doing you a favour & I care abt you. Haha. You should jst ask Joel. I've dropped
countless bombs on him already but hey, it's cause he's like the brother I never
had. Hmm, always so full of mischieve, tht boy. Lol.

On another note, I've been keeping myself bz.. so bz tht it's burning a hole in my
pocket. D: Had to ask dad fr my allowance before the month even started & I hate
asking money frm my parents. I mean, all my life, my parents never had to nag me
about money because sister always thought me that I should nvr ask for money
unless it's really necessary. Instead, my parents are usually the ones forcing me
to take their money whenever I go out but most of the time, I refuse because
I'm usually showered in guilt if I do; But yet, I still tend to forget to control my
spending. -___-' I SHALL CUT DOWN ON CANTEEN FOOD... if i can. (: atleast
then i'd be able to cut down on the immense amount of weight I've been
letting on too. (Y)

Meh. Turns out we've got another monthly test sometime this month. Its
just tht the dates haven't been finalized. Bummer. And just as I was hoping
I'd be able to maybe relax a little during the June holidays, dad tells me he
wants me to go for intensive addmaths classes. Fine. That, I don't mind but
when dad says that I never study, I lost it. How would yknw whether or
not I study when you're nvr home these days?
You say that FIVE months without the computer would
easy to get a pass but when I've been passing all
this time, it hasn't been enough, has it?
And you say tuition doesn't help, so if tuition doesn't help,
then DO something to help me, why don't you?

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents.. but when the start saying these
sorta things, it jst gets to me. grrr. I wished jie was around. I miss her
dearly ): *sighh

Gosh. Okay. I think I've done enough for one day.
I'll come back to rant again when I feel like it. :B

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."
I've heard this twice in the past month & I'll live to the day I'll live up to this.